was that you I saw

Everything, really...

was that you I saw

Top to bottom, left to right.

your words like a gentle tide pool
swirling around on the infinite iterations
of combinations of chaos
bears great patterns
like smoke dancing slinky like from your finger tips
you see it?

bleeps and bips and blinks
ticks and tocks and taps
crazymad percussion
multilayered pulsing rhythmic beating
rolling thundering tom tomming clanging
steel drums, hi hats, toms, snairs,
all beating a progressive enthralling deafening
whispers in my ear
you hear it?

weary rough sandpaper face rubbed to sleep
eyes bleary and heavy
cozywarm in my hat and scarf
inside the dry darkness
the air howling
the body floating
you feel it?

a line that never starts stops progressing
an end that is unseen
a beginning that's become a myth
a life to be lived
seemingly round and round
seems to matter
it does
an overwhelming list of anythings
to be accomplished in a nothing
time running short
so long to run
so far to the end
head down, all the periphery a blur
like a bullet shot from the womb
arms spread grabbing at you all
gaining speed
breaking through the atmosphere
so this is what it feels like to fly
you know it.

I write for you here and there
you play at being amazing and
I've never been sure of anything, really
these words we bounce in the black box mind
Words - truth, being, breathing, spinning, mad,
timeless, self, others, infinite, hopesrpings
chords of melancholy ring with such resonance
like two whispers in any dark place
above the roar of the static silence
a whispered
"I know."
a whispered unseen but not unknown truth-
is that just a fable, a kids dream
-truth, I can't see it, or anything
my eyes useless, too much noise they're making
close them
what becomes unseen
the strangest of dreams bursting through my temples
my temple of self to be destroyed with red-eyed mad hope
-something there sounds familiar
your unseen face from the recesses of my mind springs to
and I wonder how
can I escape this self sworn aloness
and I wander the the dark
misty eyed alley ways of my past-mind
me, I want to be consumed
by that lust life love, breath of the universal
You-
embodied by a body-less you
see something in the ethereal (I) me
never drawn out, too often drowned out
the drone of this screaming static whirled
places I've been, all just dreams that
woke me too soon, left me hanging
a need to create something that counts
to be someone who matters
to have someone that matters, at all
I dream of
is to skip hand held through
this living thing, singing out loud
am I able to say
"I know."

have you, will you

been here many thoughts ago
this place haunts me
with its cold fingers
icy precision falling from nothing
left to hold me back
to my feet bouncing
all around this room
with tremendous clarity
I see everthing, really...
all I know is that I know too little
chance that I will ever be satisfied
all I ask
of you
all
is to bear this burden with
me
and
to realize that this
chance
must be taken

sitting, frantic flitting
eyelids, flashing signs of something
dashing to and from this
and that maybes thrown
back and forth might be right
writing quickly, avoiding slippage, leakage
mind spilt milk on the table top
of the world they know not
what is asked of you but
what you ask of them
to do this thing is not so bad
to be anything, to be glad
to breath life and love
in the lungs and the heart
pounding, I need the air
in my hair blows by, smelling the world
taking a deep sighed breath of
my God this place is amazing afterall

a stark contrast
is born from this light
shining from my chest
my eyes see green and blood red and hope

these days turn on and off
paying attention or not; they go
away from this grasp - slipping
holding on tight to what I've grown
a person breathing:

then one day
it strikes you, me in the ( )
where have I been
all these years,
what have I sought
what do I seek

beauty, truth, I belive
in little
else;
to smile and attempt great things
to live
to be with another, together
in a tumble hewed balance of questions
...and wonder; awe!

my will be done
bent to the world, flowing
around me, a sense of something altogether on the almost
there is a place to go
always somewhere else
...never really here
going always in motion
reflecting on past instants, flitting by
trying to hold on to, nothing...really;
all we've got is the foreknowledge
of a future that is always passed
a past that was once future
a today that is never
to be a being
here, is nowhere
think too hard, too long
that destination is beyond the horizon
front or back
we're moving always...

of the clock: those damn blinks staring at me defiant
screaming at me, the cd plays over and over
I can't quite figure this all out
this thing, this living, breathing me
can't quite, let go of what I've built up so strongly
inside, isn't betrayal
a reaction, reactionary
revolutionary, thought provoking action
to live and breath
in time, polyrhythm beat beating of the other
of everyone at once hearing themselves
feeling, a something else...

In the deep end, I'm here treading water
wondering why you never speak
why the silent treatment
wondering, aimless thoughts bouncing back and forth
from the silence
the static echo of nothing returned
to my thoughts, words a sturdy silence born

comes after the torrent
stollen from sleep
the static
raging
rain dropdropping
pounding
excising
excorcising
releasing
clearing
my head
my eyes
my self
the clouds break
and I see the sun
at dawn, the color of
a tangerine on fire

for seven years I've been staring at the pieces
a shattered, jagged edged reflection
in those broken people
all looking the same, all the same light, reflected
then one day, in the corner of my ( )
I realized how they all fit together
I look inside and realize that
puzzle piece that was missing
inside my heart, beating, bleeding
the pieces coalesce
forming a three dimensional figure
a faint outline, an archetype
the light relfected in a million stabbing angles
from my chest

forgive me, please hope

for this well spring of life
flooding through my eyes
fucking amazing how suddenrushed this maniac-happiness
attacking my remorse, my bluegreygreen, me
this breath stealing heavy eyelidded glow of wow
awe!, look at that, those stars in the eyes
in the mirror, a smile appears in the sky
the world is bent, to its knees
praying, thanking, loving

(progress), the great refrain
a chorus of tears streaming across
the plain truth is hidden
in the shadows of the sun
burning my flesh, reminding me
that I am alive, I know
something always escapes me
I'm struggling with, searching for
the answer

the sky wells up
I see her face turn ashen
trying to hide her storm from me
blowing wind and dust to distract
then, one drop, just rolling down the cheek
suddenly the torrent the storm
a cathartic blast of heavy water
weighed down with too much, holding the sky in place
pressing down, oppressive
but now, now that calm comes, for a moment at least
it is calm
it is cool
she is happy, breathing clearly
birds singing, hopesongs
but, the weight begins to build as soon as it's released
find shelter wherever you can
she'll destroy you as soon as she'll breath life into lungs
...and we have no other choice
this is how it is...

free your ass and your mind will follow

we live forever remembering the passed
time will not stand stopstill
there is no present
now, it exists only in reference
to that most closely thought past
is only then
never now, trying to grab on to this pinpoint
light of illusion, light of almost (Now)
is gone to soon
swinging wildly in the abyss of time
let it flow through you
you will be free, are you free...

tears falling for no one
not falling at all, all gone, dried up long ago
I've fallen too many times
into that hole, buried up to my neck
the breath fading from my lungs
blindly grasping for that ring
that token of being human
that most cursed lure, love
it may be buried, deep
it may be broken
but, the power of it's lure cannot be
completely lost, completely tarnished
I'll hold my breath forever underground
covered by earth, searching
seeking, truth
love

all fades into a dream
a gray and frayed at the edges
life is tempered by the fire
of that moment
that broken ring
that torn heartblood
with time
beats bright red again
knowing.

in my sleep it comes to me
that irresistible pressure forcing out the air
even then it's nothing
more than
watching it happen to someone else
we can't escape this
time, eternity...on and on forever (amen)

What will come over that horizon?
tomorrow is a new day, or not
it comes sharp with the light piercing
clarity
It will happen again
whatever that is
just once I like to die and wake
after eternity went to sleep...

half remembered is about as close as I can ever get
to that thing, that just on the fringe
a tongue tied itch in my brain
delusions of granduer
of this idea that we all have
that we'll be ok
that it will end
in pretty pictures and hope filled thoughts
but the truth is
unfound
until that moment
and then, well it's just for you

your second chances
they've got to be wearing thin; patience
given the luxury of being this way
so many gracious fools
still waiting for the great performance
a great opus just waiting, bated breath
held high, opinions still have hope

I am sorry for this wayborn, me
still excuse making
pretty pictures with only
half-hearted enthusiastic greynothing
will ever have all of me
a shame perhaps; to give only a glimpse
this iceberg beneath threatens too
much hidden surface unseen
a sheen on the water hidden

I just got this tune in my ear
seeing the halo fogged light
all smoky eyed and drunk with life
just a cautionary tale before
the great beyond
I can see it in your
eyes tell of death bent for speed

sleepy doe-eyed staggering home after
sinewy hands twirl another cigarette
smoke headed grinning through the night
memories flashing like lightening
spine felt tingling at your touch
arm swinging in the October cool
tickling skin together in the dark
remembering how young and small
under this dark, cool blanket


				*Everything, really...* *was that you I saw*



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