Attention Deanyboppers!
Liz is going to a fundraiser in DC tonight for Howard Dean. Supposedly, some celebrity types will be there, including Rob Reiner. I'll get the goods from her and post tomorrow.

Marc

Charm City Vortex
We, three, here sitting are breaking new ground. We, this post, together writing. What topic worthy the three minds together? Steel tariffs? How much of a shit hole this city is? The general lack of laughs the Simpsons are giving these days? Not sure, our minds and bodies are glutted and full of cheese and bacon, and eggs.

So bear with us. This is not a science and certainly ain't pretty.

Draper: Don't you hate pants?
While we can certainly all agree that pants are beat, that they are not top drawer, you should wear them old sport. It is what there is to do. You can't not wear pants. Could you? Maybe that is the new ground to be broken. Let's all unite against them, pants. Or anything else. Who will come with us...join one of our causes? Anti-pants? Yes, it is good.

But, there are certainly bigger issues. Aren't there? We, three Jerks, think so.
Oingo Boingo? Merits, demerits? Anyone? Anyone?

Marc: Issue #1: Steel Tariffs
This clusterfuck is all the "Diabolical Genius" Karl Rove's fault. He tried to suck up to a dying industry and ended up pissing off every company that uses steel - and the EU to boot. Tariffs are a intellectually bankrupt and economically suicidal policy, and it is an embarrassment that this president is willing to use them for political gain.

Issue #2: Mallism
Let's talk about a plague that has swept the service industry in this nation: the scourge known as Mallism. When I go into a goddamn bar and ask for a hot toddy, I don't expect a mug of hot water, a shot of bourbon, and a packet of Equal. This is what happens when your desires don't fit into the mall template - when there isn't a button on the screen with a picture of a hot toddy on it.

You can get a pineapple martini or a dreamsicle smoothie or any other pile of puke that's on the menu, but when you ask for a drink that your grandfather would have ordered, the whole Mallist bar grinds to a halt. Barf.

Okay, I've said enough. I'm going to turn the mike over to T-Bone. Peace out.

Tony: Issue #3: Drinking
It's no secret that I enjoy an adult beverage now and again. In fact, it's no secret that I never pass up an opportunity to indulge in libations whenever I get a chance. But why? Because drinking, when done properly, is the perfect antitode to the Orndoff Principle. (For the uninitiated, Orndoff Principle: Everything now is worse than it used to be.)

Drinking is one of a shrinking number of safe-havens we have in a world where the Eagles wear black, Kenny Chesney sells more records than the Derailers and Marc can't even get a goddamn hot toddy at a bar. Alcoholic beverages are also the last to be bottled in glass, with old-fashioned corks, and caps that don't screw off. And this, in fact, is why things like beer in plastic, Smirnoff Ice and anything besides gin and vermouth being called a Martini makes me go Draper with rage and disgust. When you drink you can still live in the world your grandfather inhabited. Where men wore hats, women liked being dames and you could have a couple at lunch, tell Betty to hold your calls, and kick back with a cigar in your office. Why do I drink? The loneliness? Yes. The inflated sense of self-esteem? Well, that too. But the real reason, the best reason is because drinking is top drawer, old sport.

Long winded wank. That Tony. Marc, too. They both have a lot to say about a lot. Of nothing, mostly. But, this ain't called We three wise Men. Jerks, with opinions, not right, or wrong. Well, we'd say they were right, but not always. They are filthy fucking liars and angry, angry men. Anyway. Enjoy, disagree...hopefully. Agree...scary.

Draper

Drugs will ruin your life, and your career...unless...
You play a big three sport in the US.

Case in point...four big sports doping stories broke this week.

Read the cycling industry point of view at Velonews.

As I am sure that you guys know, somewhere between 5 and 7% of MLB players are on performance enhancing drugs of some kind. The penalties for being caught on this shit are ridiculously light. It takes being caught 5, yes, 5 times to receive the worst penalty, a one year ban. Wankers.

Mike Anderson of the Broncos (oh, the Denver Broncos) gets caught with pot for the 2nd time and has to sit out a measley 4 games.

Track and field stars from both the us and Britain have just recently been tested positive for a heretofor undectable steroid thingy...and are fucked, supremely and then banned from competition for 2 years.

And this poor bastard...Javier Pascual Llorente tested positive for EPO, a blood booster, at this years TdF...the only one of 189 riders. He is out of racing, out of his livlihood for the next 18 months. And he deserves it, cheaters should be punished. BUt, the thing that galds me is the stigma around sports like track and cycling and swimming for christ sakes...saying how they are rife with cheaters, that you can't believe the results 'cause they are all doped to their eyeballs. But, if you look at the numbers and the measures that the governing bodies of these niche sports take to ensure that their atheletes are not cheats it looks not like they are the ones with the problems but rather these marquee American sports, the ones with the money. I don't like it. Anyway. I know this is a complaint that is nothing more than that...nothing will ever change...the big three sports in America are a multi-billion dollar industry. Just, their filled with cheats and dope fiends. See Bill Romanowski...both a cheat and a dope fiend...anyway.

Here's to you Mr. Llorente...for your 18 months as a roofer...take care.

Paw-ka-tucky
You know Pawtucket, Rhode Island as the home of "Soupy Pizza," a Red Sox minor league affiliate and the birthplace of Pawtucket Pete, Peter Griffen's beer of choice. Now, know it as the part of Rhode Island that's on fire. Literally.

Tony

I'm Accepting Matching Funds
Most of these links are from yesterday, but they're going up today because the blog was inexplicably down yesterday.

As most of you are probably aware, John Kerry has also decided to opt out of the federal matching funds and the spending caps that accompany them. Clark will be staying within the caps, out of "respect for the system," or so his campaign spokesperson says. Clark is actually recieving some heat for blowing off a December New Hampshire debate in order to attend a fundraiser in New York City. This may turn out to be a bigger deal then one might expect. New Hampshirites are a pretty provincial people, and if Clark appears to not be taking the state's primary seriously he could pay a price. Not that he's aiming to win the thing, but I think he needs to do no worse than a tie for third in order to get any kind of momentum out of the contest.

Apparently E.J. Dionne has got the power of the mind meld, because his latest column deals with the concept of Dean as Goldwater, a favorite Marc topic.

The last political link of the day: From the this Sunday's Post's Outlook section, a UMBC professor examines whether or not the Democrats even need a Southern Strategy. He suggests that by focusing on the "new Southwest" Democrats will fare better and be able to forge winning coalitions by forgoing the South entirely. He makes several salient points, but I don't find myself agreeing with his overall thesis. Nonetheless, worth a read.

Finally, read Wilbon's slicing and dicing of JoPa. Actually, it's a rather gentle explanation of why Paterno needs to give it up, but I just like sticking it to Draper. A great Wilbon column as usual, but I think this thing wins title of the year. But then again, I'm a sucker for Peter O'Toole references.

Peace & Love,
Tony

Take That Limbaugh
The Philadelphia Eagles released a new black alternate jersey that they will wear in an upcoming game, possibly this weekend. While you're wretching in horror, check out the worst uniform competition from ESPN.com. Look out for those Australian Women's Basketball uniforms. They are apparently made out of Lycra, like a swimsuit. Odd, and oddly arousing.

Tony

Bloggin' it up, blogways
Good morning, what can I tell ya...

In lambs to the slaughter news, Former New Hampshire Governor Jean Shaheen will be joining the Kerry campaign in a nation-wide capacity. Personally, I think the move is a pretty thinly veiled attempt at procurring Kerry's influence and access to money when Shaheen runs against John E. Sununu in 2008. She lost to the son of former New Hampshire Governor and George H. W. Bush Chief of Staff John H. Sununu in 2002, in the most expensive race any Democrat ran that year. That money undoubtedly came from the Gore cronies she met while shilling for Gore in 2000. In all honesty, I don't see this move helping anyone except Shaheen.

In I-was-shocked-to-learn-he-has-children news, George F. Will dissects Dean's move away from federal funding and the spending caps that come with it. He notes that Dean's concern that he'll be unable to counter Bush if he accepts the caps is tantamount to admitting that money does, in fact, equal speech.

The last political link of the day: Doug Duncan was in Baltimore the other day at a Angelos and Schaffer sponsored fund-raiser. I know Angelos is upset that O'Malley hasn't spent "enough" money helping to redevelop the area near Camden Yards, but what does Schaffer have against O'Malley? The article only mentions a "snub," so if anyone has any info, let me know. It seems to me that Schaffer simply doesn't like anyone with political power who hasn't strained their back kissing his ass. But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Almost there, only two sports links left to help you get through the day. The Ravens are starting Anthony Wright at QB this weekend, due to Boller's injury and Redman's dreadful performance Sunday night against the St. Louis Rams. Billick said that Wright possesed the natural athleticism that is neccessary in his offense. But wait a minute, Boller is the biggest statue since Bernie Koser and has the deep ball threat of Vinny Testaverde. What is Billick talking about? I think Redman slept with Billick's wife or something, because he really doesn't like that kid.

And finally, the College Basketball season gets under way tonight with the Coaches v. Cancer Classic. Read John Feinstein's take on the scandalicious off season and his thoughts for this year.

That's the news, and I - am - outta here

Tony

Sometimes, the "D" stands for Dork
I saw that this was going to happen last night, but forgot about it until loyal reader E. Nelson of Baltimore, MD brought it to my attention. John Kerry (D-MA) rode a borrowed Harley onto the set of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. It is sadly not atypical for Presidential candidates to pander to the lowest common denominator. But let's look at it objectively:

How does Kerry's stunt help his campaign, aside from mere name recognition? (which is probably a big help.) Do more people care what he thinks about Iraq? NO. Are more people intrigued by his health care proposal? NO. Is John Kerry even cooler today than he was yesterday? NO.

To be fair, though, Kerry's campaign is all but over, and beating up on him feels like kicking a corpse. Because it's both fun and easy

Tony

Iowa Caucuses 6, Florida Straw Polls 1
A Manchester Double-A baseball team decided not to go with the name "New Hampshire Primaries".

Lame. Listen to these marketing ideas:

A possible logo: the state outline with an image of "Uncle Sam," a character based on Samuel Wilson of Mason. The team fan club: the Lobbyists. Team gift certificates: campaign dollars.

Marc

Leon Award Winner -- College Edition
You probably know Kellen Winslow Jr. as the Miami tight-end and son of San Diego Charger great Kellen Winslow Sr. You might also remember him as striking a Heismann pose after catching a touchdown pass in the first game of the year. He makes waves again this week, due to his post-game tirade after Miami's 10-6 loss to Tennessee. He called football a "war" and referred to himself as a "soldier." He also claimed his unsportsmanlike penalty (an activity that got him "benched" for next week's game) was due to refs gunning for him.

Tony

Senator Muskie Predicts Victory

The Kerry campaign continues its slow-motion collapse. After the firing of the campaign manager, Jim Jordan, two more top staffers quit in protest. Here is an amazing conference call quote from the NYT piece:

"We know and you know that Jim wasn't the problem," one aide said in recounting what one staff member told Mr. Kerry. "We want to know that you know that the problem was not Jim: You need to understand that there needs to be fundamental changes in this campaign."

If you want to know how the Dean campaign is going to destroy everyone, read the cover story profiling his manager, Joe Trippi, in this weeks' TNR (subscription required to read online). Here's a taste:

"In Washington state, God help any of the other candidates," he says. "We have such an organization up there." According to Trippi, somewhere between 30,000 and 40,000 people have historically turned out for the state's presidential caucuses. This past August, 15,000 people turned out to see Dean stop by a Seattle Meetup during his "Sleepless Summer Tour." "I'm standing there going like, 'Shit, we'd win the caucus today," Trippi recalls. "We'd win the statewide caucus with how many people are standing here."

Keep in mind that all this stuff happened BEFORE Dean got the endorsements of two huge, motivated unions.

Marc

Smooth Or Crunchy?... Nah... Wait, I've Got It!
Macs or PCs? That was the idiot question asked by an idiot young person at the 'Rock The Vote' presidential event last week. Or was it?

Howard Kurtz says the whole thing was a setup by CNN producers:

Alexandra Trustman said yesterday that a CNN producer called her on the morning of the Boston forum and suggested she ask about the Democratic presidential candidates' computer preferences. Puzzled by the request, she writes in Brown University's Daily Herald, she drafted a more complicated question about how the candidates would use technology.

But in Boston, Trustman said, she was handed a notecard with the digital-age equivalent of the boxers-or-briefs choice put to Bill Clinton. She wrote that she told the producer "I didn't see the question's relevance," but that he rejected her proposed query "because it wasn't light-hearted enough and they wanted to modulate the event with various types of questions."

Marc

TMQ In Tha Hizzo
Easterbrook makes a guest TMQ appearance on Football Outsiders this week. He has some uniform gripes:

Bad Unis Update: While the Oakland coaches, and especially the Oakland cheerleaders, were wearing too much, the Jets came out in green pants that were in their own way too much. First Jersey/B went retro to the 1960s with its Namath-era look; now Jersey/B goes retro to the 1950s. Seriously, Jets, it's 2003. Do something about those uniforms.

And Jacksonville -- black pants, dark jerseys? No wonder your own stadium was half-empty by the time you scored your improbable winning comeback touchdown.

Marc

Grand Old Clusterfuck
Well, just when you think the Republicans in this state can't get any dumber - there's this. Some dimwit is mounting a primary challenge to Roscoe Bartlett. So in the same cycle that Republicans are trying to unseat Mikulski, this clown and Bartlett are going to suck up a million dollars between them.

This abortion follows on the heels of a bold move by the state party to RECRUIT another candidate to run in the 3rd District. So there will be two Republicans competing for the honor of being disemboweled by Ben Cardin. What is with these people?

I'm going to start compiling a list of the Republican elected officials appointed to high-paying state jobs by Ehrlich. What a bunch of yokels. After O'Malley gets elected governor, this will all be a bad dream.

Marc

Who you callin' chicken?
In what could be described as one of the most absurd things ever, Pamela Anderson is going to urge a boycott of KFC because they refuse to meet with her so she can discuss the way they treat their chickens. She's going to be making the announcement for a boycott on her weekly radio show.
A taste:

"If they won't meet with us, we're taking our case to the children." The source says that PETA will start handing out what they're calling "Buckets of Blood" in front of KFC outlets across the country. "They'll look like KFC's buckets of chicken, and will contain things like mutilated, gory chickens," says the source. "We gave kids `Unhappy Meals' at McDonald's and Burger King crowns with animals impaled on the points when they wouldn't meet with us. After those kids started screaming, both McDonald's and Burger King got reasonable."

Now that's finger-lickin' good.

Tony