Klingons For Kerry
I saw this combination of stickers on a parked car this morning:



Which prompted the question: which US presidents do the Star Trek captains most resemble?

Kirk is clearly JFK - two forceful leaders who aren't afraid to roll the dice in a tough situtation, be it Cuban Missile Crisis or Kobayashi Maru. Picard strikes me as a Wilson type - a righteous egghead who thinks he can reason his way out of any situtation, but sometimes resorts to force in frustration.

I haven't seen enough of either DS9 or Voyager to form an opinion on those captains. From the few episodes of Enterprise I've seen, Captain Archer is pretty badass - the last one I caught had him tossing a alien into an airlock to get information out of him. Andrew Jackson, maybe?

Marc

Validation
Pictures of my LEGO cicada are making the email rounds with the LCV crowd. A friend of Liz's boss had this reaction:

Cicadas rock. Legos rock. Lego cicadas rock hard. A nerd who makes lego cicadas rocks you, as the kids say, like a hurricane!

Marc rocks.

Marc

Colin Blow
Holy God, am I tired of seeing Colin Powell on the Sunday talk shows. Powell made a clean sweep today, at least on the shows I watch: Fox News Sunday, This Week Without David Brinkley, and Meet The Press.

I understand why the Bush administration wants to put Powell out there, but why do the shows keep putting him on? Is this really what people want to see - is Colin Powell ratings catnip?

Marc

Thank You, Mr. President
I've been thinking a lot about President Reagan since I heard the news of his death on Saturday. Unlike Ken Shepherd, I have strong memories of Reagan's time in office. The two that really stand out are his speech after the Challenger disaster and the bombing of Libya (which taught me, among other things, that the French are not our friends). I'm not ashamed to say that I teared up a little listening to the old Reagan clips on the radio.

The other thing that has been on my mind is Reagan's place in history. The media, which was always confounded by Reagan's popularity, is doing its best to portray him as the "amiable dunce" - the guy who told some good jokes and gave some good speeches but didn't really know what he was doing. I'm not terribly worried about that, because the leftist intelligentsia isn't nearly as influential as it thinks it is, and people have already formed their (mostly positive) opinions of President Reagan's legacy.

What I was thinking about was how Reagan will show up in our children's history textbooks. Personally, I think Reagan is maybe the third most important president of the 20th century (edging out Truman). First comes Wilson, who turned America into a player on the world stage and set the precedent for later and larger government intervention in the economy. Next is FDR, for obvious reasons, and then Reagan.

But in textbook terms, I think that list will be winnowed down to FDR and Reagan for thematic reasons - first half of the century vs. second half, NY Democrat versus California Republican, FDR began the struggle against totalitarianism and Reagan won it, etc.

Anyway, even though my political views have changed since my youth, I still think Ronald Reagan was a great president and a good man - maybe one of the best men to ever hold the office. I'm sure I'm not the only person my age who will always measure presidents by how they stack up against the Gipper. Thank you again, Mr. President.

Marc

Addendum: Crass political comment to cut through the treacle... How bad do the current presidential candidates look next to 24 hours a day of Ronald Reagan's Greatest Hits? At least Kerry has the option of waiting it out in Boston - poor Bush has to go out there and speak! Ah, well.

And how many times do you think we will hear the phrase "win one for the Gipper" at the GOP convention? It's already working on me, against all rational impulses...

Another Goddamned LEGO Post
I promise, this is it for a while... presenting my LEGO cicada:

Marc

Paramus In The Springtime
So this Tuesday, myself, Remy, and my lovely bride made the trip up to New Jersey to visit the LEGO Store there. We were only planning on going to the Paramus store, but wound up hitting the Nyack, NY location as well, since it was so close. And I know you're interested in what I got there, right?

Well the deal is, these stores have Pick-A-Brick, which means you fill up a cup (about the size of a Big Gulp) with LEGO for $12.95. I bought three cups into which I stuffed 1129 pieces for an average of 3.44 cents per piece. Not too shabby! I also picked up a grab bag of 755 Clikits pieces for $6.95 - 0.92 cents per piece!

We received a rather chilly reception at the Paramus store. The manager followed us around suspiciously, and told me I couldn't take pictures in the store. This is kind of odd for a place where grown men stuffing LEGO bricks into a cup is normal behavior.

The Nyack store was much more pleasant. I spotted some stray gray 1x2 bricks in a container and asked if there were any more. A LEGO employee looked in the back and emerged with a huge box of the bricks for Remy and I to fill our cups with. It turns out that one of the Nyack employees was an AFOL (Adult Fan Of LEGO). So, just for being fellow LEGO nerds, we received these neato LEGO Stanley Cups free.

So, to sum up: I spent my off day driving 400 miles to spend $50 on toys. And you just read about it!



Marc

Presidential Uniform Update: If You Want To Live LIke A Republican, Dress Like A Democrat
John Kerry channels Harry S. Truman:

The only thing missing is the hat!

Marc

Downstate Gatos Gordos
It certainly has been a rough couple of weeks for Allegany County, what with the prisoner abuse scandal and all. Now Jorge Ribas, chairman of the Maryland Hispanic Republican Caucus, is piling on.

Putting in his two cents on the Ehrlich multiculturalism stink, Ribas compared Ehrlich to Hitler in his pandering to poor white people who blame their problems on immigrants:

Some people would call it white trash, people who are largely uneducated. Places like Cumberland ... Ehrlich country.

It's very easy to make remarks like that by a politician to cater to this kind of crowd. It pays off for a politician. It paid off for Adolf Hitler.

But don't worry, my upstate Nazi friends, Kevin Kelly is on the case, defending Allegany County from downstate fat cats of any political stripe:

Kelly denounced Ribas' remarks as "contemptible" and invited him to tour Cumberland and Allegany County.

"Allegany County possesses a rich multicultural heritage," Kelly wrote.

Marc

Bike racing in Patterson Park
Hey Jerks and Jerk well wishers. I am racing (a bicycle) this Saturday in Patterson Park Baltimore, MD. My race is at 4.15p. And you all should come, I mean, come on. This is no ordinary bike race with a bunch of loser amateur bike racers with shiny legs and big lungs, this is the biggest cycling festival in the mid-atlantic region. There will be stuff going on all day, kids races, exhibitors, music, and a pro race, the real fast guys. Should be a good time, and again I race at 4.15.

By the way, this should be a wonderful day to be outside, the weather will be sunny and perfect in the 70's.

Please come if you can.

Draper

Ahead Of The Curve (Finally!)
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to try some rye whiskey. I drink mostly bourbon and scotch, but after rereading Jim Murray's The Complete Guide To Whiskey, I was intrigued by rye.

Before Prohibition, rye was the most popular spirit in America , especially in Pennsylvania and Maryland. During Prohibition, sweeter bourbons became the whiskey of choice, and now only a few rye brands remain. Just as bourbon must be distilled from at least 51% corn, rye must be distilled from at least 51% rye, giving rye whiskey a less sweet and more spicy flavor than bourbon. To date, the only rye I have sampled is Pikesville, a product of the Heaven Hill Distilleries. I'll let Jim Murray describe it:

The rye hides behind butterscotch and leather with sweet oils trying to contain its hardness. There's a sprig of mint to lighten things, but the finish is complex with a spurt of fruit juice before the drying finale.

What he doesn't say is how cheap Pikesville is: $10 for a one-liter bottle! This is the best booze bargain you will find, and also a reflection of rye's unpopularity.

So imagine my surprise when I opened this month's GQ to find a feature on rye whiskey! The piece, on page 66 of the June issue, profiles several high-end ryes (although not Pikesville, sadly), and provides this nugget of knowledge:

Many of today's bourbon drinks (the Manhattan, the old-fashioned) first called for rye, and the original recipes have an equilibrium that will redefine such drinks for even die-hard bourbon fans.

Well, I am sipping a rye Manhattan as I type, and I concur. The spiciness of the rye makes an interesting contrast with the sweet vermouth, and I plan on ordering one of these the next time I'm out. So, to wrap up: I'm cooler than GQ!

Marc

P.S. Hey Draper, if I order rye Manhattans at Rocky Run, will you name the drink after me?

P.P.S Shout-out to Sean, Defender of Kosovar Freedom, Menace to National Guard Foxes, for providing me with several (bourbon) Manhattans this weekend.

The Kids Don't Know What The Jazz Is All About
The Cos unloaded on the shortcomings of American black culture during an event commemorating the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education:

"Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal," he declared. "These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids -- $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.' . . .

"They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English," he exclaimed. "I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' . . . And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. . . . Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. . . . You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

Marc

Red County, Blue County
WARNING:The following post contains spoilers for the movie Troy.












Still reading? OK:

So, I was watching Troy last week at the Senator. The movie is loosely based on the story of the Trojan War, and there's a pivotal scene where Paris (played by Orlando Bloom) challenges Menelaus (who he stole Helen from) to single combat.

Paris is young and inexperienced, and Menelaus is beating him pretty easily. He wounds Paris, and is about to finish him off, when Paris crawls away to his brother, Hector. Menelaus is enraged, and demands that Hector stand aside so that he can finish the duel by killing Paris. When Hector will not budge, Menelaus raises his sword to finish off Paris, but is instead killed by Hector.

I was amazed and disgusted by the audience's reaction to this scene - wild cheering and applause! One of the supposed heroes of the movie had weaseled his way out of a fair fight, and the audience loved it. At the time, I chalked it up to female foolishness and college-age ignorance (the showing was a preview attended by a large number of college students who had won tickets).

On Monday, I walked into the Mountain Road branch of the Anne Arundel County Public Library. The staff, all female, were discussing Troy, specifically the very scene that had been pissing me off for days. But their reaction to it was 180 degrees from the Senator audience. They were all as disgusted as I was with Paris' cowardice, and were surprised that my audience had reacted so favorably. So what's going on here?

Following Mickey Kaus' First Rule Of Journalism (always generalize wildly from personal experience), I think that there's some sort of local version of the famous Red State - Blue State cultural divide at work. The college/urban whitey audience at the Senator could not appreciate or even understand the heroism depicted in Troy (and in fact laughed during several scenes that were not intended to be humorous). The exurban crowd, even though all-female, was offended by the lack of heroism displayed by a character in the movie.

It's almost too obvious to point out that Anne Arundel County went Republican in both the 2000 presidential election and the 2002 gubernatorial election, while Baltimore City went Democratic. You don't have to be David Brooks to see the cultural divide between "bobos" and the Patio Men, and I'm sure that similar reactions could be reproduced by asking the two audiences about, say, Pat Tillman, or the war in Iraq in general.

Marc

All work and no blog makes Jack a dull boy
Blogger's Note: This post is kind of a throwback to my old style of posts where I included several articles which were roughly (or often not at all) related. In order to achieve the maximum effect, pleae picture me at my keyboard in an old Wes Unseld Washington Bullets jeresey.

About a week or so ago I pointed your attention to a snakehead fish, an Asian-born predatory fish, that was found in a lake in Maryland. If you recall, I mentioned that the fish, which destroys other fish in the same area, can also breath air and move about on the ground akin to a snake's movements. You also might remember that Maryland DNR officials proclaimed that the lake was drained and no other snakeheads were discovered.

Well, today's Post reports a second snakehead was found in the Potomac River near Washington, D.C. There is no way to drain the river, so wildlife officials can only rely on fishermen to catch and kill these dangerous (although seemingly camera-friendly) fish. So, what do these officials have in mind? A cash reward? A free, I dunno, hunting license or something? Well, no, not exactly.:

There is no cash reward for the outlaw fish, Early said. But officials are designing a snakehead hat.

"If we get a bona fide snakehead, the reward is the hat," he said.

My only hope is that one of these snakehead hats ends up on ebay.

One other item to follow up with. My post on HOT lanes (which none of you ingrates managed to comment on) mentioned that the program has met with success in San Diego. Today's Sun takes a deeper look at the San Diego HOT system. It's a pretty good, even-handed look at what I think is a very good idea for easing traffic congestion.

And finally, Joe Paterno will be back as the Head football coach at Penn State, inking a deal which will allow him to coach at least until he's eighty. So, 3-9 and a coach losing control must be good enough to keep your job these days. I guess it helps if you build libraries for your employer.

Tony

Jerks: MIA
I apologize to our loyal readers for the lack of activity this week. I don't know what those other clowns' excuses are, but I've been trying to cram a semester's worth of work into three days.

Stay tuned for Jerky goodness coming soon.

Marc

This Week in Blogstory
Editor's Note: Each week we reach back through the We Three Jerks Archive to see what was on the minds of our favorite jerks during that week in history. This week's edition looks at the simmering Free Silver Crisis of 1895 and William Jennings Bryan's attempt to push through Congress legislation allowing for the free coinage of silver.

Thursday, 6 May 1895

Farmers a yoke around the Democratic Party
Yesterday, Nebraska Congressman (and former fish-wrapper) William Jennings Bryan, along with Missouri Congressman Richard Bland made a charge for Congressional approval of a measure that would allow the free coinage of silver throughout these United States.

Now, I know that the economic distress of 1893 has been horrible for everyone, but the fact that farmers are struggling due to the current economic situation is no reason to abandon the long tradition of the gold standard. Bryan and his cronies are driving the Democratic Party toward electoral catastrophe. With next year's election looming it is looking more and more likely that either Bland or more likely Bryan will emerge as the party's nominee. What then? Does the Democratic Party honestly believe that Bryan's fierce, and often rousing, tirades against free enterprisers are going to ensure him access to the Oval Office?

The Democrats are facing a formidable, well-financed opponent next year in William McKinley. Now is the time for Democrats to forge a new electoral coalition. Farming in this country looks to be a dying institution. By pinning their electoral fortunes on a policy engineered to placate one group of people, the Democrats will be unable to reach enough voters to ever win the White House again. They must re-think the already assumed nomination of Bryan, lest they face permanent extinction as a national party.

Mr. John Orbendorfer

That Silver Ain't Free, Boys
Check out this steaming dog turd (link via nebraskastudies.org):

Reformers in the Farmers' Alliance and other groups decided that backing the money with more plentiful silver rather than gold would make it easier for debtors to pay off their loans and remain on the farm. More money in circulation would make it easier for farmers to make some of that money and pay off their debts.

Oh wait, I forgot. There's this thing called fucking inflation.

Kelley L. Ross sez:

A flood of silver from the New World caused a devastating inflation in 16th and 17th century Spain; and gold strikes in California, Australia, South Africa and the Yukon produced inflations in the 19th..."

William Jennings Bryan is an undeniable jackass. Huzzah to the Republicans for looking at McKinley as their next presidential nominee, a rational voice in this ridiculous bimetallism debate.

Mr. Marc Nelson Jr.

Mr. Jason Drapinski did not offer comment on the free silver crisis. He was several years into his "I-think-I'm-Henry David Thoreau" phase. That was followed by a brief "I-think-I'm-Matthew Brady" phase.

So, that was the week that was. Hope you've enjoyed this culling through of the Jerks Archive. Next week we'll look at what the Jerks had to say about the Boston Tea Party. Here's a preview:

Marc: These fools should quit their bitching and be grateful to be a part of the greatest empire in the history of man.

John: Who do these guys think paid for the French and Indian War?

Drapinski: Not available for comment. In the midst of his "I-think-I'm-Samuel Johnson" phase.

Tony