Former Vice-President and Democratic Presidential nominee Al Gore has announced plans to launch an all-news cable channel aimed at 18-34 year olds. The channel, which currently broadcasts news programmed by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, will not be a liberal network, but instead will be designed to cater to the tastes of young people.
I am outraged over this development. And more than a little humiliated to find out that there is an assumption that because of my age I cannot understand news from traditional sources.
But beyond my humiliation (which is, admittedly, nothing new), how will this new network look different from, say, CNN or MSNBC?
Gore said the network will be "an independent voice in this industry" with a primary target audience of people between 18 and 34 "who want to learn about the world in a voice they recognize and a view they recognize as their own."
And whose voice might that be -- Eric Cartman?
There is a glut of news out there, boys and girls, and if you don't understand that by now, then, frankly, we're all better off with you staying home and watching wrestling. Remind me again why we want people who can't be bothered to read a newspaper or listen to NPR to become engaged. What value is there in convincing people who are so fat-ass stupid and lazy as to assume that politics isn't relevant to them that they should listen up?
You know, I might actually be able to get behind this idea if I thought for even one second that by catering to a young audience, it might mean that the network will focus on news that the Boomer-driven media ignores. Like, for example, the looming Social Security crisis. But we all know that what is meant by a young-persons network is one in which the shallow reportage is done at a break-neck pace while the highest paid people in the building (aside from on-air "talent") are the graphics team.
Like so many other things, this is a generational issue. It is yet another example of the Baby Boom generation's sad desire to remain forever young by forging a bond with young people that simply doesn't exist. It also goes to the arrogance with which Boomers view younger Americans.
Ya see, the boomers -- the "hip" generation-- they dig that we young cats simply aren't diggin' the news media's trip. But here comes Colonel Gore and the Groovy Grove Brigade to rap with us, ya dig? Maybe if the Electric Gore-Aid Acid test can lay their groove on us (by, what, hip-hop bumper music, flashier animation, a phalanx of Gideon Yago-esque reporters asking about underwear and cereal preferences?), we'll tune in, brother.
Thanks for the effort, Al, but I've got all the news I need (and then some) already.
I've got Germond and Novak, Broder and Will.
I've got All Things Considered and Hardball.
I've got Meet the Press and Fox News Sunday.
And I've even got C-SPAN, not to mention blogs like this one and Google News.
I don't need your condescending efforts to engage me in politics. And if anybody out there does, let me reiterate: Go home, turn on Spike-TV and don't worry about it. We'll get along just fine without you.
Tony
