The Kids Don't Know What The Jazz Is All About
The Cos unloaded on the shortcomings of American black culture during an event commemorating the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education:

"Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal," he declared. "These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids -- $500 sneakers for what? And won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.' . . .

"They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English," he exclaimed. "I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' . . . And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. . . . Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. . . . You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!"

Marc

Red County, Blue County
WARNING:The following post contains spoilers for the movie Troy.












Still reading? OK:

So, I was watching Troy last week at the Senator. The movie is loosely based on the story of the Trojan War, and there's a pivotal scene where Paris (played by Orlando Bloom) challenges Menelaus (who he stole Helen from) to single combat.

Paris is young and inexperienced, and Menelaus is beating him pretty easily. He wounds Paris, and is about to finish him off, when Paris crawls away to his brother, Hector. Menelaus is enraged, and demands that Hector stand aside so that he can finish the duel by killing Paris. When Hector will not budge, Menelaus raises his sword to finish off Paris, but is instead killed by Hector.

I was amazed and disgusted by the audience's reaction to this scene - wild cheering and applause! One of the supposed heroes of the movie had weaseled his way out of a fair fight, and the audience loved it. At the time, I chalked it up to female foolishness and college-age ignorance (the showing was a preview attended by a large number of college students who had won tickets).

On Monday, I walked into the Mountain Road branch of the Anne Arundel County Public Library. The staff, all female, were discussing Troy, specifically the very scene that had been pissing me off for days. But their reaction to it was 180 degrees from the Senator audience. They were all as disgusted as I was with Paris' cowardice, and were surprised that my audience had reacted so favorably. So what's going on here?

Following Mickey Kaus' First Rule Of Journalism (always generalize wildly from personal experience), I think that there's some sort of local version of the famous Red State - Blue State cultural divide at work. The college/urban whitey audience at the Senator could not appreciate or even understand the heroism depicted in Troy (and in fact laughed during several scenes that were not intended to be humorous). The exurban crowd, even though all-female, was offended by the lack of heroism displayed by a character in the movie.

It's almost too obvious to point out that Anne Arundel County went Republican in both the 2000 presidential election and the 2002 gubernatorial election, while Baltimore City went Democratic. You don't have to be David Brooks to see the cultural divide between "bobos" and the Patio Men, and I'm sure that similar reactions could be reproduced by asking the two audiences about, say, Pat Tillman, or the war in Iraq in general.

Marc

All work and no blog makes Jack a dull boy
Blogger's Note: This post is kind of a throwback to my old style of posts where I included several articles which were roughly (or often not at all) related. In order to achieve the maximum effect, pleae picture me at my keyboard in an old Wes Unseld Washington Bullets jeresey.

About a week or so ago I pointed your attention to a snakehead fish, an Asian-born predatory fish, that was found in a lake in Maryland. If you recall, I mentioned that the fish, which destroys other fish in the same area, can also breath air and move about on the ground akin to a snake's movements. You also might remember that Maryland DNR officials proclaimed that the lake was drained and no other snakeheads were discovered.

Well, today's Post reports a second snakehead was found in the Potomac River near Washington, D.C. There is no way to drain the river, so wildlife officials can only rely on fishermen to catch and kill these dangerous (although seemingly camera-friendly) fish. So, what do these officials have in mind? A cash reward? A free, I dunno, hunting license or something? Well, no, not exactly.:

There is no cash reward for the outlaw fish, Early said. But officials are designing a snakehead hat.

"If we get a bona fide snakehead, the reward is the hat," he said.

My only hope is that one of these snakehead hats ends up on ebay.

One other item to follow up with. My post on HOT lanes (which none of you ingrates managed to comment on) mentioned that the program has met with success in San Diego. Today's Sun takes a deeper look at the San Diego HOT system. It's a pretty good, even-handed look at what I think is a very good idea for easing traffic congestion.

And finally, Joe Paterno will be back as the Head football coach at Penn State, inking a deal which will allow him to coach at least until he's eighty. So, 3-9 and a coach losing control must be good enough to keep your job these days. I guess it helps if you build libraries for your employer.

Tony

Jerks: MIA
I apologize to our loyal readers for the lack of activity this week. I don't know what those other clowns' excuses are, but I've been trying to cram a semester's worth of work into three days.

Stay tuned for Jerky goodness coming soon.

Marc

This Week in Blogstory
Editor's Note: Each week we reach back through the We Three Jerks Archive to see what was on the minds of our favorite jerks during that week in history. This week's edition looks at the simmering Free Silver Crisis of 1895 and William Jennings Bryan's attempt to push through Congress legislation allowing for the free coinage of silver.

Thursday, 6 May 1895

Farmers a yoke around the Democratic Party
Yesterday, Nebraska Congressman (and former fish-wrapper) William Jennings Bryan, along with Missouri Congressman Richard Bland made a charge for Congressional approval of a measure that would allow the free coinage of silver throughout these United States.

Now, I know that the economic distress of 1893 has been horrible for everyone, but the fact that farmers are struggling due to the current economic situation is no reason to abandon the long tradition of the gold standard. Bryan and his cronies are driving the Democratic Party toward electoral catastrophe. With next year's election looming it is looking more and more likely that either Bland or more likely Bryan will emerge as the party's nominee. What then? Does the Democratic Party honestly believe that Bryan's fierce, and often rousing, tirades against free enterprisers are going to ensure him access to the Oval Office?

The Democrats are facing a formidable, well-financed opponent next year in William McKinley. Now is the time for Democrats to forge a new electoral coalition. Farming in this country looks to be a dying institution. By pinning their electoral fortunes on a policy engineered to placate one group of people, the Democrats will be unable to reach enough voters to ever win the White House again. They must re-think the already assumed nomination of Bryan, lest they face permanent extinction as a national party.

Mr. John Orbendorfer

That Silver Ain't Free, Boys
Check out this steaming dog turd (link via nebraskastudies.org):

Reformers in the Farmers' Alliance and other groups decided that backing the money with more plentiful silver rather than gold would make it easier for debtors to pay off their loans and remain on the farm. More money in circulation would make it easier for farmers to make some of that money and pay off their debts.

Oh wait, I forgot. There's this thing called fucking inflation.

Kelley L. Ross sez:

A flood of silver from the New World caused a devastating inflation in 16th and 17th century Spain; and gold strikes in California, Australia, South Africa and the Yukon produced inflations in the 19th..."

William Jennings Bryan is an undeniable jackass. Huzzah to the Republicans for looking at McKinley as their next presidential nominee, a rational voice in this ridiculous bimetallism debate.

Mr. Marc Nelson Jr.

Mr. Jason Drapinski did not offer comment on the free silver crisis. He was several years into his "I-think-I'm-Henry David Thoreau" phase. That was followed by a brief "I-think-I'm-Matthew Brady" phase.

So, that was the week that was. Hope you've enjoyed this culling through of the Jerks Archive. Next week we'll look at what the Jerks had to say about the Boston Tea Party. Here's a preview:

Marc: These fools should quit their bitching and be grateful to be a part of the greatest empire in the history of man.

John: Who do these guys think paid for the French and Indian War?

Drapinski: Not available for comment. In the midst of his "I-think-I'm-Samuel Johnson" phase.

Tony

Legislator for a day
The referendum, that participatory boil on the ass of our republican form of government, is rearing it's ugly head again, this time in Maryland.

Maryland Speaker of the House Michael Busch announced his willingness to consider placing the issue of slot machine gambling on the ballot in Novemeber. Yet another example of our fine elected officials skirting responsibility and passing on the duty of governance to the people.

This kind of stuff really makes me crazy. The entire nature of our system of government is that the voters elect those people that they deem worthy to conduct the buisness of governing in our stead. We are not a nation of New England Town Hall Meetings.

But, as they say in governing circles:: When the going gets tough, the tough find somebody else to do your job for you.

(For a great look at the corrosive effects of ballot initiatives on American democracy, read David Broder's incomprable Democracy Derailed)

For his part, Governor Ehrlich has voiced disdain for the plan, saying that it is a shameless dereliction of duty on the part of legislators.

"I believe you earn your salary by making difficult decisions," Ehrlich told a legislative committee. "I think it's a poor precedent when the representative body of the people passes the ball on a difficult decision."

In today's Sun, Ehrlich reinstated his dislike for the ballot initiative idea, saying that he felt he was being "jacked around" by the Speaker, something he's seen before.

"And all I got was jacked around for a year," Ehrlich said on WBAL. "The bill passed the Senate in the middle of February [last year] and sat in the house until sine die. It sat there for seven weeks. And I don't like getting jacked around. I got jacked around, and it is not going to happen again. Believe me."

Ehrlich has announced his desire for a special session to be held this summer in Annapolis in order for the Assembly to deal with the slots bill. Personally, I'd like it if the legislators took care of their business during regular office hours (seeing as a special session costs $45,000 a day to operate), but then again I'm rarely pleased by the Maryland General Assembly these days. I want this gambling issue resolved, and I want it done quickly, by the people who are paid to make these decisions. And if that means that the Assembly has to go to summer school, well then, so be it.

Tony

You Know What I Don't Miss About Frostburg?
The Cumberland Times-News. Everything backward and ignorant about that whole place can be summed up by this sentence from a piece in the Sun:

The front page of the Cumberland Times-News yesterday didn't mention the prisoner-abuse scandal, instead it featured a story about the fate of slot machines at the Rocky Gap Lodge and Golf Resort.

Marc

Addendum: The prisoner story is back on the front page today, albeit in a story about how much all the media types love Cumberland. And get a load of this... from the Times-News (reg. required, but you can use a fake email):

Christina Jamison, assistant to Chris Matthews, moderator of "Hardball," a news show on MSNBC, confirmed Thursday the desire to come to Cumberland and tape a town meeting during which area residents can react to the news about the incidents.

Tony

Mary-Kate and Ashley's Supercool Guide to Presidential Nominating Conventions
Former Vice-President and Democratic Presidential nominee Al Gore has announced plans to launch an all-news cable channel aimed at 18-34 year olds. The channel, which currently broadcasts news programmed by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, will not be a liberal network, but instead will be designed to cater to the tastes of young people.

I am outraged over this development. And more than a little humiliated to find out that there is an assumption that because of my age I cannot understand news from traditional sources.

But beyond my humiliation (which is, admittedly, nothing new), how will this new network look different from, say, CNN or MSNBC?

Gore said the network will be "an independent voice in this industry" with a primary target audience of people between 18 and 34 "who want to learn about the world in a voice they recognize and a view they recognize as their own."

And whose voice might that be -- Eric Cartman?

There is a glut of news out there, boys and girls, and if you don't understand that by now, then, frankly, we're all better off with you staying home and watching wrestling. Remind me again why we want people who can't be bothered to read a newspaper or listen to NPR to become engaged. What value is there in convincing people who are so fat-ass stupid and lazy as to assume that politics isn't relevant to them that they should listen up?

You know, I might actually be able to get behind this idea if I thought for even one second that by catering to a young audience, it might mean that the network will focus on news that the Boomer-driven media ignores. Like, for example, the looming Social Security crisis. But we all know that what is meant by a young-persons network is one in which the shallow reportage is done at a break-neck pace while the highest paid people in the building (aside from on-air "talent") are the graphics team.

Like so many other things, this is a generational issue. It is yet another example of the Baby Boom generation's sad desire to remain forever young by forging a bond with young people that simply doesn't exist. It also goes to the arrogance with which Boomers view younger Americans.

Ya see, the boomers -- the "hip" generation-- they dig that we young cats simply aren't diggin' the news media's trip. But here comes Colonel Gore and the Groovy Grove Brigade to rap with us, ya dig? Maybe if the Electric Gore-Aid Acid test can lay their groove on us (by, what, hip-hop bumper music, flashier animation, a phalanx of Gideon Yago-esque reporters asking about underwear and cereal preferences?), we'll tune in, brother.

Thanks for the effort, Al, but I've got all the news I need (and then some) already.

I've got Germond and Novak, Broder and Will.

I've got All Things Considered and Hardball.

I've got Meet the Press and Fox News Sunday.

And I've even got C-SPAN, not to mention blogs like this one and Google News.

I don't need your condescending efforts to engage me in politics. And if anybody out there does, let me reiterate: Go home, turn on Spike-TV and don't worry about it. We'll get along just fine without you.

Tony

Jethro Toll
Long hearlded as a fresh approach to relieving traffic congestion, toll lanes may be coming to Maryland.

The state said yesterday that it is seriously considering adding toll lanes to several Maryland roads in order to ease traffic congestion and raise funds for needed road improvements, including lane expansion. The lanes, which would not have toll booths and would instead operate similiar to the E-Z pass system, would be accessible to drivers for a usage fee which would depend on the time of day and level of traffic.

This is an idea whose time, frankly, has come. Americans have proven over and over again that they are willing, if not eager, to spend some money in order to receive better service. In fact, I've held for a long time (along with my partner in crime, Marc) that this system could be used in supermarkets.

How many people would be willing to pony up a litle extra cash to ensure the best cashiers offering quick and effecient service, along with a bagman and even someone to carry the groceries to the car for you? The idea could actually prove an incentive for employees, if a raise was offered to those cashiers who proved themselves worthy to work these registers.

Now I know many of you will say that this is simply unfair.

Opponents have derided such lanes as "Lexus lanes" for the well-heeled...

Why, you might ask, should someone receive better service merely because they have more money? The real question is: Why not? This entire country is predicated on the premise that you can get better service, goods etc. if you are willing to spend some money. Is it unfair that someone with more money drives a better car? Certainly not.

(Check out this Cato Institute report on HOT (high-occupancy toll) lanes)

You hear the same types of complaints when people are ranting about ATM fees. How dare they (though it's never made clear who "they" are), how dare they charge me for accessing my money? Well, truth be told, you are paying for a service (easy dispensation of cash; ability to avoid speaking to banktellers), and there is nothing unreasonable or un-American about that.

These toll lanes would provide relief for those drivers in a hurry, particularly self-employed individuals who are often on the road and usually by themselves. Further, they would help ease traffic for other commuters as well as raise money for road projects, thus enabling the state to not be so reliant on tortoise-like federal funds.

On the flip side, this will create one helluva crisis for Joe.

Tony

Looking For A Good Education? You "Otter" Come To FSU!
International Otter Colloquium to be Held at Frostburg State University

Marc

I am the bastard son of Claire Huxtable
A recent survey named Claire Huxtable as TV's best sitcom mom. Mrs. C, from "Happy Days", was second with Marge Simpson, voiced by MTM alum Julie Kavner coming in third.

Claire Huxtable was the tough but fair-minded matriarch of "The Cosby Show", who approached her family with the same tenacity as her career. A successful lawyer and a mother of five children, she was quite a woman. Of course, it helps when you're not real, and you're problems are always wrapped up in twenty-two minutes.

ANYWAY, I'm not surprised to find Claire on this list, but, seeing as I am somewhat of an authority on the subject, I'd like to put in a word for a few under-appreciated TV moms.

Alice Hyatt was a single mom of a young teenaged son who moved from New Jersey and headed west when her husband died. Although her goal was always to make it big as a singer, she found herself at Mel's Diner, serving up ham and eggs along with a healthy dose of sass and motherly wisdom. The Diner was peppered with interesting characters, from Mel himself, a native of Brooklyn and former Navy frycook to Flo, a back-talking, man hungry southern belle who was always ready to tell a rowdy customer or (usually) Mel to "Kiss my grits." Alice was smart, funny and warm. You know, alot like the waitresses at the Bel-Loc.

Another TV mom we don't hear much about, and who also happens to be a single mom, is Ann Romano who lived with her two teenaged daughters in a high-rise apartment in Indianapolis on the show "One Day at a Time." Unlike Alice, Romano was divorced (the first divorced mom on TV, I believe) from her husband (who would later be revealed to be an alcoholic, something found out by the girls when they run in to him, utterly stinko, in a neighborhood bar) and the show was a nitty-gritty look at the trials and tribulations of raising teenaged daughters, one of whom was a stonecold fox (Valerie Bertinelli) and one of whom was probably half-coked out of her mind the entire time (Mackenzie Phillips). Romano (who used her maiden name, while her girls stuck with their father's name, Cooper) was always juggling her job and her girls all the while fending off the adorably insufferable Schneider, handy man extraordinaire, and attempting to rebuild her own life.

But the best mother in all of TV-dom, by far, has got to be that wrinkly smart-ass Sophia Patrillo from NBC's hit sitcom "The Golden Girls." Sophia, who hailed from New York by way of Sicily, was a caustic, witty, back-talking grandmother who wasn't above an occasional romp in the orthopedic hay. (She wanted to get in good with St. Peter, but she didn't want his job.) She loved each Golden Girl like they were her own, while never missing the opportunity to call Rose an idiot, Blanche a slut or reminding her daughter, Dorothy, that she never would have had to marry that yutz (novelty salesman and all around schlub Stanley Zbornak) if she hadn't let him knock her up.

There are a number of other worthy mothers who deserve mention in this post, from "The Wonder Years'" Norma Arnold, who brought her own brand of feminism into the Arnold house by defiantly going to work in the late-sixties, to Danny Tanner, who held his family together with enough hugs, empathy and sappy music to give Suzanne Sugarbaker a toothache.

So here's to mothers, both real and otherwise. They'll make your dinner and they'll make you crazy and for thirty minutes each weeknight, you can always count on them to make you laugh.

Tony

John Kerry Wraps Up The Draper Vote

The bad news is he fell off the bike:

He was approaching a stop light at the intersection with Route 2 and was slowing down when he veered left into the oncoming lane and fell, according to an Associated Press reporter who witnessed him fall. Secret Service agents and local police immediately stopped traffic while Kerry and a handful of bicycling companions moved to the shoulder.

Link via Instapundit.

Marc

Wienermobile Sighting
Woo-wee! I just got a new digital camera!

And as luck would have it, the Wienermobile was parked in the shopping center where I bought batteries. So expect plenty of wacky pictures, and more "photoblogging", as the kids call it. Enjoy!

Marc

One Man, One Vote, One Time
My man George Will advocates early elections in Iraq as a means of bringing about an authoritarian Shiite regime:

Violent Sunnis must be crushed. Shiites need an incentive -- protecting their capacity to rule after elections -- to crush them and to discipline their own ranks. Iraq's third component, the Kurds, have representative institutions up and running, and an army to strengthen their hand in negotiating favorable parameters of federalism. They also seem amenable to a U.S. military presence in their midst.

The results of elections, including theocratic elements, may be markedly unlovely. That may break the big hearts of those in the U.S. government who hope for a luminously liberal democracy to shame the entire Middle East into emulation, thereby justifying the war originally justified primarily by the threat of Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. But pursuit of that ideal can impede achievement of something tolerable: a stable, perhaps illiberal, even authoritarian Iraq which cooperates in the war against terrorism. Call this an exit strategy.

My only problem with this idea is that an elected Shiite strongman would be more legitimate (and so harder to replace) than one we installed ourselves. But it's probably our best option at this point.

Marc