Start Your Tomorrow Today
Hey Draper, here's a job for you. It's not psychology, but it involves statistics and SPSS.

Marc

Spinning Plates update...
past the 50, 000 word mark.

We're into parents and pain and sorrow and all the good stuff in books.

It's all there...harumph

A taste:

Both my parents, well, it was never good with them and their brains. They have been forever sabotaged by that one illness that is like a vice, squeezing and warping reality forever. They have schizophrenia. It's ok. Really, I am just glad that I don't. But, it made for life as a son, it made it fucking weird. Never believing, never taking the side of blood. I knew, had to betray too many times my parents. They do not exist on the same plane as the rest of us. It has probably a lot to do with my detachment from the rest of the world. I don't know. Maybe that is just an excuse, a cop out. Oh my folks are nuts so I get a free pass. I don't know.

No, I do. That is all bullshit. No one ever wants to think about the horrible things that are so close to oneself. I ask nor accept any sympathy for having to grow to learn, to know from too early an age that my parents can not be trusted for much at all. It is an odd sensation though to listen to them, to hear the sad delusion spilling out, and to not be able to say ok, sure, I'm on your side.

The last time my mom was committed it was because of me. I had it done. I was in the ninth grade. I had my mom locked up in some sub standard state facility, to get better. Whatever the fuck that means. Usually, just more chemicals. You don't get over being crazy. You live with it, until you die. Then, it doesn't matter any fucking way.

It is a death sentence. But one much more cruel than cancer or AIDS, or any other fucking thing where you know you will die, sooner rather than later. Because in those moments of clarity, rare though they may be, when the meds are actually working, you can sit back and realize that no matter how functional you might be, you will never be the same as before, before that blade came down, before the synapses starting misfiring. All you have is that delusion world that you spend most of your time, and if lucky, family, and maybe friends. And to have your own son cast you to the wind. Well. You know.

So maybe I am guilty. Maybe I feel bad about the distance I keep from my parents. Or, or maybe I mad at them for corrupting me, for causing me to lead my life down this lonely path, this path where I hide from people for fear of learning that it may all turn out bad. Because the most important, the very first relationships with other people in this life were with people who are fucking insane.

Or maybe, none of this shit is true. Maybe, I'm just scared of ending up like them. Fifty years old and permanent cripples. Maybe I am terrified, maybe. My mind, my ability to think and live and work, and create, and be who I am dangles on a thread, a thread clinging to this unlikely 50/50 split of genes from two very smart crazy people. Maybe I am thankful, eternally, stupidly thankful that in the great ping pong ball mashup that is human genetics, that I have dodged the bullet.

Maybe I am sick to my inside to think that I could bring someone into this world that would be afflicted just like my parents. And if I cast them away, what would stop me from doing the same to my own progeny. I am sick to think that's even a possibility. Maybe, I just want to be alone, to stay alone forever, because that is safer than risking it. Safer to suffer alone than to bring another hopeful soul into this world only to have the curtains drawn at the dawn of their most hopeful time.
Maybe I am just tired and have been in the car too long.

I love the smell of blogging in the morning
I'll tell you this, I rooted for the Red Sox, but as I watched that game last night, watched Grady Little keep Pedro in to face Matsui when relief should have been brought in, it seemed like a movie whose ending you already knew. So, for now, Go Marlins...

Big problems in the Anglican Church. The British hierarchy are threatening a schism if the American church proceeds with its plans to consecrate that gay bishop from New Hampshire. Imagine, a schism in our day. Surely, these are great times...

Speaking of that quixotic state, a new poll conducted by former Democratic wunderkind Stanley Greenberg shows mixed feelings on the war in Iraq among Democratic voters in New Hampshire, Iowa and South Carolina. According to the poll, voters want someone who supported the war in Iraq, but criticized President Bush's failure to precure international support. It wasn't clear in the article whether these numbers were from Democratic voters or likely Democratic voters, and that distinction will probably have an effect on these numbers.

AN excerpt from the article follows:

"Democrats surveyed in the three states also listed foreign policy and national security experience as the most important attribute they are looking for in selecting a nominee[Emphasis mine]. They rated that characteristic over such other choices as experience in Congress, being a decorated combat veteran, being a Washington outsider or having a blue-collar background." (Washington Post 10-17-03)

According to ESPN, the Giants have dropped their bid to host the 2008 Super Bowl and will rebid for 2009. That leaves Arizona, Washington and Tampa in the running. Although it would seem strange to host the Super Bowl in a cold climate, it has been done (See Super Bowl IV and any other Super Bowl at Tulane Stadium in New Orleans). I think it would probably be good for football and heck, it sounds like fun. It would certainly be better than playing in any kind of a dome. Weather is a part of football and to eliminate it as a factor in the biggest game of the year is stupid at best and sacrilege at worst.

A Big Dangerous Animal is in Trouble!

Enjoy,

Tony

A Midday Blog, What a Treat
Before I get into the real heavy shit, let me just say: "Kudos Mr. D"

Two links from the Post that i would like to draw your attention to. Congress is working out the detials of a means-testing provision for Medicare. If that could get through we may have cleared the biggest hurdle preventing means testing in Social Security. However, it seems Sen. Windbag (D-MA) has problems with the measure, and threatened a veto last June to prevent it's passing. (NOTE: These "facts" may be wrong, as i've only read the article once and did not fact check this blog.)

Also, with the Pope celebrating his silver anniversary and the scheduled beatification of Mother Theresa this Sunday, Rome is chock-a-block with activities. Check out this article on Mother Theresa-mania that's sweeping the city. Also, I reccommend the Hitchens book mentioned in the article, and have a copy if anybody's curious.

Well, that's all the blogging for now. Sleep tight kids.

Tony

What Donkeys and Cubs have in Common
The Democrats are starting to sort themselves out. With nine candidates in the race the money is spreading thin. According to the Post Kerry, Edwards and Gephardt all spent more than they raised last quarter. Lieberman just broke even, so expect him to be in the red next quarter. Dean and Clark seem to have a lot of cash locked up. President Bush, however, just raised something like $46 million dollars this quarter, and that's on top of anything he's already raised plus the fact that he's barely spent anything at all. Quite a monster, that Bush is. While we're on the subject of Bush, let me put something out there that i've said a couple of times. Poll numbers currently show Bush trailing a Democratic candidate (pay attention to the Newsweek poll). That number will go up after a Democratic candidate is named, because that candidate's negatives will drive up the president's numbers. Though he trails against an unnamed Democratic oppenent, he's already beating all the candidates one on one. And, may i remind you, he hasn't even fucking started yet. So, Bush-haters: Don't get too excited. Remeber, Reagan's approval numbers were faltering at about this time in 1983. The president has the money, machinery and party organization to win and win handily.

And finally, What the Fuck happened to those Cubs? I think I believe in witchcraft now, after having witnessed that.

Tony

How The Unions Killed Detroit; Or, What's Good For GM is NOT Good For America
Ford has lost $6 billion in the past two years. DaimlerChrysler lost $1.1 billion in the last quarter. GM now makes more money selling mortgages than selling cars. Meanwhile, the Japanese car companies (made in North America by non-union workers) are cleaning up.

So what is the answer? Detroit sez: Big Government! The Big Three have endorsed the prescription drug benefit as a means of reducing their own massive obligations to union retirees. I hope against hope that the next president will have the guts to let the Detroit dinosaurs die a natural death (this President doesn't).

Marc

I'm In TMQ!
Check it out!

Marc

Woe is me,
Fucking miserable Steelers. Good god damn thing I didn't watch that game. I would have been kicked out of the bar.

Go Cubbies, by the way.

Anyhoo.

Give me a real job.

Guns Really Do Kill People
From a story on Dean's position on guns in the Post:

"This is a personal issue with me, and I'm very disturbed at the fact that people are not paying attention to Dr. Dean's record" on guns, said Kennedy, nephew of President John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert, both of whom were assassinated by guns.

Marc

Skins Are Good Losers
Big zing in the Post - reports Skins players laughing it up in the locker room after the loss. Turds.

Meanwhile, Wilbon fawns over McNabb. According to Wilbon, stats (like a 51.1 QB rating) don't matter because McNabb is a winner - he beat the Skins, didn't he? I guess that means Jake Delhomme is the best QB in the league.

Marc

But What About The Road Map?
"And we will pursue nations that provide aid or safe haven to terrorism. Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists."
President Bush, 9/20/01

"Any country who harbors terrorism, who trains (terrorists), supports and encourages them will be responsible to answer for their actions."
Israeli government spokesman Avi Pazner, 10/05/03

Marc

Prognosticator Extraordinaire
Marco the Armenian sez:

I foresee many Ramsey turnovers and star quotaback McNabb shredding the Skins D for 120 yards on 42% completion. Philly wins, 13-10.

Let's go to the tape:

Ramsey coughs it up twice.
McNabb goes for 157 on 53% completion.
Philly wins by two (so I was off on the over/under).

Marc

What Would You Call The SGA If They Made $48,000 A Year?
The Baltimore City Council! Here is an email I just sent to my council members:

Council Members:

I am writing to strongly encourage you to pass a new ethics code that bans employment of any family members by the City Council.

The new code should not have a grandfather clause exempting current employees who are relatives of City Council members. In addition, violations of the existing code (such as employment of siblings by members Cain, Carter, and Dixon) should be swiftly punished.

The employment of family members and the efforts of this council to pass a watered-down ethics code only reinforce the popular image of the council as corrupt and ineffectual.

Isn't $48,000 a year enough for you people? You have to get your relatives a spot at the trough, too? When considering the state of the City Council, my only consolation is that there will soon be four fewer members.

Write to your members, fellow citizens! Here they are: Tony Draper

Marc

Latter Day Lombardi
The Ol' Ball Coach says:

"It seems like when we run more and pass less, we win the game. You can put your quarterback back there, and if he gets hit and sacked and fumbles and they pick it up and score, you're a fool. If you run it up the middle and punt, it seems like at least you're making the other team beat you."

Marc

More McNabb
Rush was not alone in thinking McNabb is overrated.

McNabb has played the race card in the past:

McNabb ends holdout, agrees to seven-year deal with Eagles

(AP) - Donovan McNabb agreed to a seven-year contract with the Philadelphia Eagles on Friday night, ending contentious negotiations that were marred by racial accusations by his agent. Eagles spokesman Ron Howard said McNabb, the No. 2 pick in the draft, agreed "in principle" to the deal, which had not yet been signed. McNabb's agent, Fletcher Smith, and Eagles executive vice president Joe Banner were preparing to discuss the deal on an evening conference call. The contract is believed to be worth approximately $50 million, including a signing bonus of about $12 million. It was not immediately known whether the deal included "voidable years," which would allow McNabb to earn another signing bonus after 3-or-4 seasons. McNabb missed his fifth day of practice Friday and second day of full-squad workouts. He is slated to back up starting quarterback Doug Pederson. McNabb, the star quarterback from Syracuse, had been absent from training camp because Smith and the Eagles reached an impasse over the structure of the final few years of the contract. The Eagles were against voidable years and a buy-back clause, the kind of deal given to other top quarterbacks like Tim Couch, Peyton Manning and Ryan Leaf. The negotiations became embroiled in controversy when Smith asserted that the Eagles were unwilling to give McNabb such a deal because he is black. Smith cited another black quarterback, Steve McNair, who didn't get a voidable deal from the Oilers. The Eagles reacted angrily, and negotiations stalled for several more days before the announcement came Friday night. It is believed McNabb will report to training camp at Lehigh University by Saturday.

Marc