Get Ready To Gouge Your Eyes Out, Draper
The Steelers may wear an alterate gold jersey on the road next season, according to a Tribune-Review interview with owner Dan Rooney:

"We designed a gold jersey last year to wear when teams in hot weather cities make us wear black," Rooney said. "We showed it to the NFL, and they told us we could wear the jerseys at home, but not away ... so we never went through with it."

But now, the NFL allows teams to wear alternate jerseys on the road if the home team wears white - setting the stage for this abomination:

"We would have worn them with the gold pants," Rooney said, "and I know what you're thinking ... but, trust me, the gold on gold went well together."

Well, the Steelers have been playing like my 10th grade JV team, now they can look like them too.

Marc

Back In The Saddle
I apologize to our readers for my absence, and for condemning them to an unbroken series of Tony posts (ZING!).

But seriously, folks... In his post Tuesday, T-Bone linked to a very perceptive piece by Bill Kristol, who is rapidly approaching George Will op-ed god status. Kristol warns Republicans against misunderestimating Howard Dean, and makes a persuasive case for Dean's potential angle of attack:

But Dean will emphasize that he has never ruled out the use of force (including unilaterally). Indeed, he will say, he believes in military strength so strongly that he thinks we should increase the size of the Army by a division or two. It's Bush, Dean will point out, who's trying to deal with the new, post-Sept. 11 world with a pre-Sept. 11 military.

There is daylight to the right of Bush on foreign policy. Dean has already hinted at his willingness to attack (rhetorically) Saudi Arabia for their lunatic anti-Semitism and support of terrorist organizations.

I think the real opportunity that Kristol points out is Dean's chance to make specific calls for strengthening the military - two more light infantry divisions, 100,000 more soldiers, whatever. What is Bush's rationale for NOT strengthening the military? Whatever happened to the two-war standard (the doctrine that the US military would be able to fight two medium-level wars at once)?

Kristol also points out Bush's potential vulnerability on the issue of the deficit and the LBJ-like spending by the GOP. Jeff Jacoby highlights some of the worst excesses in the Boston Globe (link from Danno):

-$325,000 for the construction of a swimming pool in Salinas, Calif.
-$220,000 for the New Mexico Retail Association in Albuquerque
-$1.8 million for the Women's World Cup tournament

And one more reason to line up the City Council and shoot them down like dogs (link via Liz):

City to hire attorneys to help council

The city has authorized up to $230,000 to defray the legal expenses of council members under investigation by a federal grand jury. Why are they under investigation, you ask? For violating city ethics laws! So the council breaks the law, and the taxpayers foot the bill for their lawyers. I love it.

Marc

Strike a pose
The Heisman trophy award presentation is tonight, and the odds on favorite is Oklahoma Quarterback Jason White, whose otherwise quality season was marred by a disastrous outing against Kansas State in last week's Big XII championship. The other top candidates are Pitt's WR Larry Fitzgerald, Running Back Chris Perry of Michigan, and Ole Miss QB Eli Manning.

Wilbon takes a look at why nobody cares about the Heisman anymore. His answer basically boils down to a list of names:

Winners from 1974-1988 -- Ohio State's Archie Griffin (twice), Tony Dorsett, Earl Campbell, Billy Sims, Charles White, George Rogers, Marcus Allen, Herschel Walker, Mike Rozier, Doug Flutie, Bo Jackson, Vinny Testaverde, Tim Brown, Barry Sanders.

Winners from 1989 -- Andre Ware, Ty Detmer, Desmond Howard, Gino Torretta, Charlie Ward, Rashaan Salaam, Eddie George, Danny Wuerffel, Charles Woodson, Ricky Williams, Ron Dayne, Chris Weinke, Eric Crouch, Carson Palmer.

Tony

Shoot is Shit with two o's
Comedian George Carlin, on his groundbreaking album Class Clown discussed seven words that you can never say on television. Those words were: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits. Those were the heavy seven. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) later prosecuted Carlin over the use of these words during a performance in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The FCC lost the case, but the words remained taboo on the public airwaves. Now, with the emergence of cable (which is not subject to the same regulations as network television), these words have begun to show themselves up and down the dial. (Sidebar: Who the fuck has a dial anymore?)

Prompted by lawmakers, the FCC is grappling with a decision it made to allow the use of the word "fuck" as long as it is used as an adjective and not a noun describing a sex act. Several members of Congress are seeking a reversal of the decision and attempting to clarify the FCC rules and institute tougher penalties for those that break them. In fact, Rep. Lamar S. Smith (R-Tex.) has sponsored legislation listing "eight words and phrases that could not be spoken on broadcast television without punishment." Now I don't know what the extra word is, but I'd sure in the fuck would like to find out.

The government is now splitting hairs about what words (and in what context) should be banned. The answer is simple. Get out of the censorship buisness all together. Think about all the time, money and energy that is wasted in order to prevent little Timmy from hearing the word "fuck" while he's watching Fox. Tell Timmy's mom to turn the fucking TV off, the government's not your babysitter. Why, without prosecuting "potty mouth," the government would probably be able to buy a couple pallets of lightbulbs. ZING!

Tony

GAULD! (or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Orndoff Principle)
The Orndoff Principle is out in full force today. Every article in this blog post helps to prove that my axiom that everything now is worse than it used to be is undoubtedly correct.

My first example comes from the world of sports, where Kerry Collins criticized Bruce Smith through the New York media. Collins' consecutive game streak is over, largely because of a hit that Smith laid on him during last Sunday's Redskins - Giants game at Giant Stadium. Smith, whose sack of backup Jesse Palmer put him past Reggie White as the all-time sack leader later in the game, hit Collins after the play had been blown dead for a delay of game penalty. Should Smith have hit Collins? Probably not. Should Collins have whined about it to the press. NO. Trust me, you'd never see Johnny U or Billy Kilmer doing anything like that. GAULD!

Next comes word that Korey Stringer's family is being asked to pay the Minnesota Vikings $47,000 since their case against the team was thrown out of court. Stringer died of heat exhaustion during training camp before the team's 2001 season. His family then sued the team, doctors, the makers of his pads, virtually anybody they could, in an effort to make up for Stringer's lost salary. This is actually a gauld coming through the back door. I'm glad this family's gotta pay, but I'm gaulded by the whole damn situation. I don't think you can hold an NFL team responsible for the physical toll playing football takes on a person, even if that toll includes death. Football is a rough game, and often a cruel one. Stringer's family should have been more than satisfied with the benefits that I am sure they collect from the Player's union and their ability to trade on his name and likeness, which I'm sure they can make a few bucks out of. Playing professional football is an honor and a privlege, and not something that is gotten into lightly. Every player knows that the next play could bring the end of his career, or permanent damage or even death. I didn't see anybody suing the Chicago Bears when Dick Butkus retired and realized his hands were gnarled beyond recognition, or when Dick "Night Train" Lane would clothesline, rather than tackle, anybody who got in his path. GAULD!

Turning to the world of entertainment, MAD-TV is under fire from a postal employees union for an upcoming sketch in which postal employees argue over who has the right to "go postal" first. The postal workers are upset because the instances of workplace violence at post offices has droppped signficantly. They want their members to protest the show and for the sketch to not air on Saturday. Like most of the stuff on MAD-TV, I'm certain that this sketch is not funny and probably offensive and certainly simple-minded. However, this is America, and you have the right to be as unfunny and stupid and offensive as you want to be. You know, as long as you don't say "piss" or "shit" or anything. GAULD!

And now the biggie. The one that really got my blood boiling. Taking a cue from New York City and Montgomery County, among others, Ireland is trying to institute a ban on smoking in all workplaces, including pubs, by next year. If you visit this link, you'll note that several people seem to be in favor of the ban because it might help them quit smoking. I don't know if I even need to say this, but it's not the government's responsibility (even in Europe) to help you stop smoking. You know who I blame this one on: Baby Boomers.

Boomers, the demographic I hate less than old people but more than young people, have realized that all their years of recklessness have taken their toll and they can longer continue to behave the way they used to. They used to fuck anybody they wanted to, do whatever drug they could get their hands on and smoke and drink every day. But Boomers, who have a strangle hold on power in this country, have decided that since it's no fun to quit and stay sober by yourself, let's make everybody quit. Instead of people being able to make their own decisions, the Boomers have decided to outlaw any substance or activity that is harmful. Now that they've fucked all they can, done all thier drugs and smoked and drank until their throats were bloodied and sore, the party's over. GAULD!

Tony

Williams reaches 300
Gary Williams garnered his 300th victory as head basketball coach at Maryland, Williams alma mater, as the unranked Terps knocked off top-ranked Florida in Gainsville. Led by strong performances by Nik Caner-Medley and D.J. Strawberry, the Terps squandered an early lead and was forced into their third overtime this year, including a victory over ranked Wisconsin and a loss over the weekend to unranked West Virginia.

On the other end of the coaching spectrum, Dan Reeves, the sixth winningest NFL Coach of all time, and winner of 201 games, resigned as the head coach of the Atlanta Falcons after being informed that he would be let go at the end of the season. Wade Phillips will take over until the Falcons get a new general manager who hires a coach during the off-season.

Tony

The 1st Amendment takes a back seat
The Supreme Court, in a 5-4 decision yesterday, upheld most of the provisions of the hotly contested McCain-Feingold campaign finance legislation. Ignoring First Amendment critics that have argued that the legislation's controls on spending amount to limits on free speech, the Supreme Court deferred to Congress in determining when and how First Amendment rights should be weighed against the need for reform.

Groups from both ends of the political spectrum, including the NRA and the ACLU, joined together to denounce the decision as an unconstitutional infrigment on their First Amendment right to participate, and voice opinions, in the political process. NRA chairman Wayne LaPierre called the decision "the most significant change in the First Amendment since the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798, which tried to make it a crime to criticize a member of Congress."

To read it straight from the horse's mouth, click here. For some analysis, click here.

The overall goal of campaign fianance reformers is a system of publicly-funded campaigns, with the idea being that without money as a corrupting factor, politics will be cleaner and somehow better. Public financing would instead yield two disturbing side-effects. First, Congressional incumbants would be virtually unbeatable as a result of challengers not being able to raise and spend the money neccessary to overcome the considerable advantage of incumbancy. Second, the government would be forced to subsidize Congressional candidates who, because their message does not resonate with voters, are unable to raise the neccessary funds to launch a bid on their own.

One need only look at the success of the Howard Dean campaign to see that candidates can raise money, and be competative, through numerous small individual contributions. Dean is sitting on a goodly size amount of money, and yet has no odor of corruption about him. He was able to raise the money by having a clear message that a lot of people have responded to and a solid political organization able to harness simpatico feelings and turn them into campaign contributions.

In addition to winning the money primary, Dean has been able to win the endorsement primary, snagging, among others, Al Gore, Bruce Babbitt and several strong-armed unions with large ground operations in Iowa. Both Dean and Gore took some heat for Gore's endorsement from the Washington Post's David Broder and Richard Cohen. Broder didn't think it was proper for Gore to jump in when the race was still, at least in Broder's mind, tight. Take notice of the national polls Broder cites, which he knows are useless at this point of the game beause they ignore the role of momentum. Cohen took Gore to task for the class-less way he handled the situation, including not telling Joe Liebermann, Gore's former running mate and a man who stayed out of the race to his detriment until Gore made a decision about running, until well after the story had broke in the media. I don't usually like Cohen, but you're not going to get an argument from me about Gore being a jerk.

Tony

Ted Koppel: Badass
ABC News Nightline host Ted Koppel shook things up at last night's Democratic debate in New Hampshire. Refusing to ask the candidates the tried and true questions about health care and Iraq, Koppel asked candidates about the process of the campaign, including Gore's endorsement of Dean, fundraising in each campaign, and when periphery candidates Sharpton, Kucinich and Mosley-Braun are going to exit the race. The questions rankled not a few people, including almost all of the candidates and their staff. At one point Koppel, who injected himself into the debate with sly zingers and quick refutations of candidates rote responses, was zinged himself by Kucinich who implored the audience to see where the media drives American politics, away from issues and toward the horse race. The comment met with much applause. The debate turned out to be a lot rougher than others, reminding everybody that politics is a contact sport.

In other contact sport news, Steve Spurrier, who looks ridiculous in cold weather, will be back as the Redskins head coach next year. Both he and Snyder were very clear that speculation about Spurrier leaving, perhaps to Nebraska or UNC, were just that and he has no intention of leaving the Skins. If he stays, it will mark the first time since Snyder has owned the team that a head coach will enter his third season.

Finally, the Weekly Standard sticks up for Donovan McNabb this week, saying the allegations that he is overrated are not supported by stastical analysis. Quota-back no more? You make the call.

Tony

Bow ties, wearer, dead at 75
Two-term Illinois Senator and noted wearer of bow ties and horned rimmed glasses, former Senator Paul Simon died yesterday at 75. Probably best known for his non-outlandish wardrobe, his cameo appearance on Saturday Night Live in singer Paul Simon's stead and his conservative economic philosophy, Simon was also responsible for the provisions that allowed students to borrow directly from the government and failed in a 1988 bid to win the Democratic nomination. He is survived by two children and two step-children.

Tony

The Kristol ball
About a year ago, while visiting my family, I caught some of the Tim Russert show on CNBC. For the uninitiated, this is a different Russert gig than Meet the Press, and usually features one or two guests, a table and a darkened studio. Well, on this particular episode Russert had Bill Kristol, editor of the Weekly Standard, and E.J. Dionne, Washington Post columnist, discussing the looming war in Iraq. On the program, Kristol said that when we finally did go to war in Iraq there would be a lot of money, in the way of government contracts, that would not be available to those countries who didn't support the action. In fact, he cracked that Australia and Britain will be more than welcome to scoop up those contracts. Well slap my ass and call me Sally. Bill Kristol has access to the pipeline of straight dope. (What?)

Yesterday, in a message posted on their website, the Pentagon annonced that the government contracts up for bid in the ongoing Iraqi rebuilding efforts will not be available to countries like Canada, France, Germany and Russia, and will instead go to countries that supported the action, including the U.S. (obvioulsy), Australia, Britain and Rawanda, among others.

Most Democrats are outraged by this turn of events, seeing the decision as punitive and counter-intuintive to the overall objective of rebuilding Iraq. But I like it. I like America sticking up for herself in the global community. We were very plain when we got involved in the Iraqi conflict. Either you're with us, or you're against us. France, Germany and Russia are against us, at least in terms of this war, and so they don't get to participate in the spoils of victory. Wasn't it the Democrat Andrew Jackson who said: "To the victors go the spoils."

Now to see if the Bush administration withstands the attacks and sticks to its guns.

Tony

BCS? More like BS
The wrath of the football gods has reigned down hard on College Football this weekend. The Bowl Championship Series, created in order to allow for numbers 1 & 2 to play each other every year for a decisive National Champion, has failed. Consenses No. 1 (in both AP and Coach's poll) USC has been shut-out of the BCS championship Sugar Bowl and will instead play number 4 Michigan in the Rose Bowl. There's been a whole lot of stuff said on this issue, and my feelings aren't much different from everybody else who's been bitching about the system. (Check out Wilbon's take) I, however, do take a certain level of satisfaction from this failure that maybe no one else can. The BCS is a quintesential example of the Orndoff Principle, and to see it go down in flames is quite satisfying. I will root for USC in the Rose Bowl, and they will be my National Champions if they win.

The stench of this thing goes deeper. According to the Washington Post, voters in the coach's poll agreed, at the onset of the BCS, to rate the BCS winner as number one, regardless of their own feelings. So, if USC wins on January 1, they will only be able to capture one title, the AP poll. That will still be enough for them to claim a share of the National Championship. More importantly, it will be enough for the BCS to be overhauled, and hopefully destroyed.

In other football news, Patrick Ramsey will no not play for the remainder of the season, and will undergo foot surgery in a matter of days. Elisabeth Hasselbeck's husband will start in Ramsey's stead, although Ramsey is expected to be the number one quarterback heading into mini-camps during the off-season. (What we'll probably have here is a QB controversy, which is exactly what the Skins do not need right now.)

Finally, the Washington Post has an article today detailing free agent moves in baseball. I'd love to talk about the Pirates here, but they don't seem to be making any moves, and may have, in fact, ceased to exist. Among the more interesting moves is the Expos not offering arbitration to Vladimir Guerrero, meaning Vlad can look for another team. There are rumors he may be heading to the Orioles, who have a lot of money to spend this off-season, but nothing's for sure at this point. Guerrero would be a good acquisition for the Birds, who could use his bat and his defensive prowess. That probably means they won't sign him. In fact, I think Jose Canseco might still be available, so you never know. There's actually some good news from the O's. They've released Catcher Brooke Fordyce, which hopefully means that Geronimania is here to stay. Who's in for T-shirts?

Tony

Bradley endorses Edwards
No, not really. But former Vice-President Al Gore has endorsed former Vermont Governor and Democratic front-runner Howard Dean. Gore said it was time for Dems to get behind the front-runner and present a united front next November in order to defeat Bush. Now, I don't like Al Gore. I've never made a secret of this. But, this endorsement is good news for Dean and bad news for almost everybody else. Gore, an establishment-type who has always been a creature of the party, has endorsed an insurgent candidate whose support is primarily grass-roots. This gives Dean's canidacy the only thing it lacked. Establishment credentials. One would have expected Gore to go with Kerry or Lieberman, but I guess he was waiting to see who the front-runner was and throw his weight behind him. There's nothing like winning, after all.

Is there a sinister ulterior motive at work here? Is Gore backing someone he knows will be destroyed in the general in order to position himself as a candidate in 2008? Maybe. Gore's not that old, and one can only assume still covets the presidency. Gore may be waiting to go all Nixon circa 1964 on us. If that's the case, then it is probably by far the most Machiavellian thing Gore has ever done. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Bill Kristol and E.J. Dionne Jr. squared off in today's post about the chances of Dean actually winning the presidency and who might be able to stop him from winning the nomination. Dionne actually makes a really good point about there being an "anybody-but-Dean" candidate:

And even if Rep. Richard Gephardt slows down the Dean machine by beating Dean in Iowa, Gephardt's continued viability could further slow the emergence of a single anti-Dean alternative.

Tony

Brahma Bull
Jamal Lewis needs to average 126 yards a game the rest of the season to break 2,000. And he gets to play the Browns again. Here's a good quote from a Len Pasquarelli story on ESPN.com:

"He's the kind of guy where, if you let him get rolling and get his pads down, he can just rip your arms out of the sockets," said Bengals middle linebacker Kevin Hardy.

Marc

Howard Dean Joins The Tinfoil Hat Brigade
Here's what Dean said on the Diane Rehm Show last week (transcript from Charles Krauthammer):

Diane Rehm: "Why do you think he [Bush] is suppressing that [Sept. 11] report?"

Howard Dean: "I don't know. There are many theories about it. The most interesting theory that I've heard so far -- which is nothing more than a theory, it can't be proved -- is that he was warned ahead of time by the Saudis. Now who knows what the real situation is?"

Boy, those Bush campaign ads are going to be some good watchin'.

Marc

End It, Don't Mend It
Tony Kornheiser sez abolish the Bowl Clusterfuck Series:

Let me make this as plain as possible: Any football team that can't win its own conference championship can't be allowed to play for the national championship.

Marc