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We Three Jerks
Thursday, 15 April 2004
More fun than Plinko
It's the Washington Post's Veep-O-Matic. A handy dandy tool to help you select the best running mate for John Kerry. It's as simple to use as it is fun. The Veep-O-Matic lists several traits that a potential running mate should have, and you select the top five that you feel are the most important. The highly sophisticated Veep-O-Matic computers will then calculate which potential running mates match your criteria, spitting out an answer within seconds.

Sounds too good to be true? I thought so too, until I tried it out myself. I selected "Hispanic", "Gubnatorial Experience", "Southern", "Live or Work Outside the Beltway" and "From a Battleground State." This yielded, as you might have guessed, New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson, who matched four of my five criterion.

And if you call today, you can try this amazing discovery for the low, low introductory payment of nothing down and no payments until November.

So what are you waiting for? Act now and receive this Space Pen 3000 free. Yes it's the Space Pen 3000. Use it in bed, use it in the car, at the office on the john, even in an anti-gravity chamber. That's right the Space Pen 3000 -- for all your anti-gravity writing needs. That's Space Pen 3000.

Tony

Posted by thynkhard at 10:11 AM EDT
Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, 16 April 2004 - 9:50 AM EDT

Name: Marc

I put in "midwestern", "gubernatorial experience", and "outside the beltway", and came up with Gov. Tom Vilsack of Iowa. Every electoral vote counts...

Friday, 16 April 2004 - 10:53 AM EDT

Name: Tony

Vilsack campaigned with Kerry in Iowa, so I'm sure they're in touch. He wouldn't be a bad choice, I guess, but he lacks pizazz. Honestly, I'm not sure the Dems have anybody in the bullpen with pizazz, except maybe Hillary Clinton, if you're a fucking moron.

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