You ain't "Mencken" no sense
From the Baltimore Sun:

Alistair Cooke, famed journalist and BBC broadcaster who was most widely known for his reports from America, died earlier this week at the age of 95.

Soon after Cooke arrive in the United States during the 1930s, he became interested in the origins of American English. This interest led him to Baltimore native H.L. Mencken, who had gained a reputaiton as an authority on the subject. Cooke and Mencken quickly struck up a friendship after Mencken invited him to Baltimore for "crabs and beer." Upon meeting the Baltimore scribe, Cooke recalled his somewhat odd appearance:

"A little man, a stocky man with a bull neck, eyes as blue as gas jets, white hair parted exactly down the middle in the fashion of the early years of the century, and tiny hands and feet that added four surprising grace notes to the solid theme of his body, which was that of an undersized German pork butcher," Cooke recalled in his weekly Letter From America radio broadcast after Mencken's death in 1956.

Tony

Two arrested in ironic Woodlawn brawl
Students at Woodlawn High School in Baltimore County who attended an anger-management workshop yesterday saw their auditorium erupt in violence, according to today's Baltimore Sun. The fisticuffs were brought about by a mother who had slunk into the auditorium in order to confront a group of girls who had been picking on her daughter. Both the mother and the daughter have been arrested.

The story, as delicious as it is, does not end there. The students at Woodlawn, determined to solidify their school's reputation for being a haven for gang members and assorted no-good-niks, joined the fracas.

Screaming quickly escalated into pushing and hitting, and school officials dialed 911 as the crowd of 750 students erupted into "chaos," said Woodlawn Principal C. Anthony Thompson.

Students stood on their auditorium seats and rushed toward the fighting girls to get a better look, one student said, and soon other fights were breaking out in the auditorium.

I've been grappling with what I should write about this situation, but honestly, I'm at a loss for words. I mean, a parent started what could only objectively be referred to as a riot in the auditorium of her kid's school while the kids were sitting through an anger-management workshop. Alanis Morissette would have a field day.

Tony

Diabolical Sub-Genius
Via Kausfiles:

Bob Shrum is now completely in charge of Kerry's advertising - the guy who was working with him has quit:

Shrum and Margolis worked together under the name of Riverfront Media, a company created for the campaign. During the primaries and caucuses, many pundits and consultants considered Kerry's ads to be the best on TV. The ads were produced in GMMB's space, not Shrum's, and inside the Kerry campaign Margolis was sometimes given more credit for them than Shrum.

Ever since Shrum joined the campaign last year, insiders have taken bets on how long the relationship with Margolis would last. The two men didn't know each other well, and in recent years often fiercely competed for the same political clients. Shrum is not known as a shrinking violet, and Margolis's ouster will undoubtedly be seen as evidence that Shrum, Kerry's closest adviser, is consolidating power inside the campaign.

Get ready for more of "the people, not the powerful".

Marc

TV Said That?
A story in the New York Times (!) highlights some Hollywood Bush-bashing:

On the NBC show "Whoopi," the hotelier played by Whoopi Goldberg delivered an anti-Bush screed when the president, played by a lookalike, appeared at her establishment to use the facilities. "I can't believe he's in there doing to my bathroom what he's done to the economy!" she said.

And here's one for you, Draper:

One of the wise-cracking detectives on the NBC show "Law & Order," played by Jesse L. Martin, referred to the president as the "dude that lied to us." The character went on to say, "I don't see any weapons of mass destruction, do you?" His cantankerous partner, played by Jerry Orbach, retorted that Saddam Hussein did have such weapons because the president's "daddy" sold them to a certain someone "who used to live in Baghdad."

But don't think that Hollywood producers are all liberals:

Network executives and some producers said these were isolated cases, reflecting the political debate dividing the country and coming at a time when television has never had a greater diversity of viewpoints on a wider array of channels. They added that these examples should not be seen as reflective of a supposed liberal agenda in the entertainment industry, an argument they said was undercut by shows with patriotic streaks like "J.A.G." on CBS.

See? You think liberals would put something patriotic on TV? Those guys must be conservative! An entirely logical argument from a party that values endorsements from European socialists and Third World dictators more than the support of patriotic Americans.

Marc

Time To Get Out Of The War Room For A Minute
From my man Brit Hume:

No sooner had the president met with baseball Hall-of-Famers today and announced he would throw out the first pitch at the St. Louis Cardinals home opener next week, than Democrats rushed out a press release attacking Mr. Bush for baseball trades he made years ago as managing partner of the Texas Rangers.

Specifically, Democrats cited trading slugger Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox in 1989, and said firing manager Bobby Valentine in 1992 and trading pitcher Robb Nen in 1993 -- "resulted in" their new teams going to the World Series.

Marc

Yawning-gate
If you are one of those people who finds late night talk shows beneath you, you've been missing a mini-firestorm surrounding the White House and the Late Show with David Letterman. Earlier in the week Letterman showed clips of a speech Bush made in Orange County California. During the speech a young boy could be seen in the background doing everything he could to stay awake. He yawned, he cracked his neck, he streched and then yawned some more. Harmless fun, right?

Well, the next day or so CNN ran the clip and the anchor commented that they were being told from the White House that the boy was not at the rally and was edited in. Later, CNN corrected that statement by saying that the White House had commented that the boy was there, but not neccessarily seated behind the president.

So, Letterman goes on his show the other night and basically calls out Bush -- calls him a liar. Then, he gets a note from his staff, while in the middle of taping, that says CNN called to apologize -- The White House, as it turns out, had never contacted CNN.

Letterman, after realizing he had falsly accused the White House of lying, later joked that someone was going to start looking into his taxes. He also found the whole thing a little fishy:

"I mean, it just seems all just a little too tidy, just a little too neat. And now, the guy, the kid in Florida -- and his old man -- was really upset in the beginning. . . . Well, now everybody down there loves it. Everybody couldn't be happier; everybody thought it was hilarious. So you see, it's just a little too tidy. Stuff like this never ends happily, certainly not happily for me. I was waiting for the lawsuit, I was waiting to be arrested, I was waiting to be beaten to a pulp, and now, oh . . . we couldn't be happier."

The boy is scheduled to be on Letterman tonight, and anyone with a chance should check it out. The clip of the boy is hilarious, and not to be missed.

Tony

Poison Flowers in France

Man, this really had me going, that is, until I had my morning smoke and realized that it was April fools day.

Just read, you don't even have to be a cycling nut to appreciate a good April Fools joke.

Draper

Did I Hear A Briefcase Opening?
Our City Council, under pressure from federal prosecutors, has surrendered on the issue of their $5,000 personal slush funds. Council members will now have to submit reciepts for their expenses, which will then be reimbursed. The council slush funds have a long and seedy history:

The old system was secretly created by the city in 1968 as a way to slip extra cash to the council without requiring members to face public scrutiny, said a Sun article from April 1970.

Articles at that time said council members were advised to "keep it quiet" when they picked up the quarterly checks, which grew over the years from $750 a year to $5,000.

The members were to use the money to cover incidental business expenses. Some deposited it into personal checking accounts without keeping records or paying taxes on it, council members told The Sun.

These checks were on top of their annual salaries, $48,000 last year, and the more than $80,000 that each received from the city last year to cover the expenses of his or her office.

Council president Sheila Dixon defended the expense accounts with this bit of SGA rhetoric:

"I don't have anything to hide," said City Council President Sheila Dixon, who as head of the legislative body receives an $80,000-a-year salary, more than $500,000 a year to run her office and a $7,000 expense account. "These perks are perks that everyone has gotten over the years."

Stuff like this made me especially nauseated this tax season, when we had to fork over $800 to this crooked burg.

Another round of applause for Thomas DiBiagio, who has made like Rex Banner since his appointment as US Attorney for Maryland. DiBiagio can add this triumph to a list that includes the conviction of former city police commissioner Ed Norris and the recent indictment of Stephen Amos for funneling $6.3 million in federal crime grants to pay for Kathleen Kennedy Townsend's political staff.

This guy DiBiagio has big, shiny balls, which he will need if he plans on running for statewide office in Maryland. Here's how he said goodbye to his former boss and predecessor as US attorney, whom DiBiagio thought insufficiently committed to prosecuting corruption:

The tension between DiBiagio and Battaglia led to an infamous incident at his goodbye ceremony in spring 2000. DiBiagio stood in front of the more than 100 attendees gathered and spoke about how, as a young assistant, he assumed that the office had to be run by a prosecutor with outstanding legal skills, judgment and integrity.

He then paused, looked over at Battaglia and said that he guessed he'd been wrong, according to several people who attended. People gasped in disbelief.

ZING!!! Man, I can't wait until 2006, when DiBiagio will most likely be running for Attorney General against Montgomery County state's attorney Doug Gansler.

Marc

Sogol
The Cincinnati Bengals have always faced a bit of a logo dilema. Although their signature black bengal stripes on orange helmet is widely known, the team has struggled with a logo that can be put on hats, T-shirts and used by television networks. Previously, the Bengals, like their in-state homies the Browns, have simply used the image of their helmet as their logo. (The Browns, for a period, used a little elf-like guy, who was as cool as he was inexplicable.) The helmet image was everywhere. It was in the middle of the field, it appeared on hats and usually on television. But as revenue from logo-generated sales became increasingly important, the Bengals continued to try knew things.

The middle of their field (in relatively new Paul Brown Stadium) is now occupied by a full-bodied bengal tiger. The detail from that logo, the Bengal face on the left, is often seen on hats on merchandise these days. But, perhaps in a move to increase literacy, the Bengals have unveiled a new logo. This block letter "B", in orange, with bengal stripes.

Personally, I think this looks like something I did using WordArt on Powerpoint. But I applaud the Bengals efforts at revitalizing their sorry franchise with a new logo. And don't underestimate the effects that a new logo, like a new facility can have on a team.

Is there any doubt that the Pittsburgh Pirates slide into Bengal-like ineptitutde was brought about by their dumping of the modest, but serious-looking "Doug Drabek" Pirate? This, after they had already gotten rid of the very 70's (and uniquely cool) Marlboro Man logo. The Bucs did themselves no favors by replacing the "Doug Drabek" guy with a new garish, needlessly ferocious Pirate -- a logo which included the newly added color red, another source of the Pirates current woes.

There's little doubt that the sports gods are fashionistas. My prediction that the black on green "outfit" that the Eagles put together before the playoffs would end in disaster held true. And in keeping with that bold predictions, here's how I see this year's baseball season.

The Orioles's will be rewarded for bringing back orange as their script color, which will help to make the orange bills on their home hats look less ridiculous. As the O's rise, the Blue Jays will falter because of their efforts to distance themselves with Canada, losing the maple leaf and any hint of red. The Reds and Mets will continue to struggle as long as they insist on using black as a main color in their uniforms. And finally, the Padres should look and play good this year, thanks to a new, fresh approach to away uniforms -- sand rather than gray.

So, as the baseball season gears up, and training camp cruely remains months away, just know, dear reader, that there's always someone here at We Three Jerks keeping tabs on the evolution of sports logos.

There, now won't you sleep better tonight.

Tony

John Kerry's Big Problem
From AllahPundit:

Marc

Honk if you like cookies!
Giant and Safeway grocery stores throughout the Baltimore-Washington metro area face a strike as early as next Wednesday, the Baltimore Sun reports today. A couple of grocer's unions will vote on Tuesday to decide whether to strike. All Giant and Safeway stores will be closed from 7 am to 3 pm on Tuesday to allow for the vote. If the unions vote to strike we'll likely see picket lines Wednesday morning; lines which Teamster unions, which represent delivery truck drivers, have also agreed not to cross. The issue in the middle of this controversy, as it was in California, where a grocery clerk strike recently lasted for months, is health care.

As a former retail wage-slave, I'd love to support my under-paid, over-worked fellow-travelers. But I'm afraid it's not that easy. There are a number of things that seperate me from the grocery clerks.

For starters, when I worked at Waldenbooks I made, as the Assistant Manager, $9.87 an hour (that's including a $0.12 raise after my first year) and a dollar more an hour during Christmas season (Sorry ladies, I'm taken). That was as Assistant Manager. Wages for part and even full-time workers are much lower.

In contrast, read what both sides are saying about this debate:

The grocery stores:

Giant and Safeway officials counter that they are trying to structure wages and benefits to compete with nonunion stores, which pay their workers considerably less. The average hourly wage of a clerk at Safeway or Giant is $13.19, compared with $7.68 for a nonunion clerk, according to Safeway.

And the union...

The union argues that Giant and Safeway have a marketplace advantage over stores such as Wal-Mart because of the quality customer service its workers provide.

Now I'm not, as a hard and fast rule, oppossed to unions. However, their role in our economy must be re-examined as the forces of global capitalism make American businesses compete with the rest of the world in almost every single industry.

You and I go to grocery stores. Does the quality of service at Giant and Safeway make you think it's workers deserve more than $13 an hour?

Unlike some of my more conservative friends, I don't believe that this situation is proof positive that unions have outlived their usefulness. What is evident is the need for American workers to place events in context. Your current struggles are not akin to the struggles of unionized workers 70 years ago. Those workers were struggling for basic safety standars, a livable wage and a reasonable work schedule. Your efforts for a couple extra dollars an hour and expanded health-care coverage are not quite as noble. And remember, you are not working in a dangerous, often times deadly, factory. You, as a (statistically) un-educated grocery clerk, are doing pretty well for yourself, all things considered. So maybe, just this time, we can chalk all this up to whining, and just go back to work.

Tony

What's that smell?
Western Maryland makes an appearance in today's Baltimore Sun, with an article about the tiny hamlet of Luke, Maryland. Luke, once a burgeoning company town made possible by the Westvaco paper mill, is now all but a ghosttown. The article details a number of recent skirmishes between the city and the mill, most notably an effort by the city of Luke to raise Westvaco's taxes by 25%. The mill balked at such an increase, and made it clear that there are a number of labor markets, particularly overseas, that are better than Allegany County, Maryland. Their actions have led to a dwindling tax burden for Westvaco, mostly out of fear that if the city (or county, for that matter) makes the mill even slightly unhappy, it will pull up stakes and move out, probably to Brazil (or so the rumor has gone in ALCO since I've been alive.)

The current crisis surrounds the shrunken tax base coupled with a shrinking population that is forcing Luke to consider unincorporating and surrendering it's charter, becoming yet another tract of unincorporated Allegany County. Westvaco, for their part, has encouraged this action, as it would mean no city taxes, and has gone to such lengths as buying up old homes as Luke residents die.

In reality, Luke's fate is already decided. They will certainly forfeit their charter and Westvaco will eventually move out of town, and probably the country. That is the natural evolution of our economy; an evolution which no amount of public policy initiatives or bond issues is ever likely to reverse.

Tony

Woo! I Feel Like Tony!
Blogging from work, that is. Well, actually I'm not on for another couple minutes, but I am in the workplace. And like Tony, I don't really have anything to say (Zing!).

Marc

Even though this debate is being broadcast on FOX...
I'm not sure what exactly to make of this, but Showtime will be airing a new program this summer called American Candidate. Basically, anyone 18 or older who wants to be a participant can apply on their website until April 9th. Twelve finalists will be selected and given a campaign budget and website. They will then be voted out of the contest, presumably by a panel of experts and viewers.

The number two spot on this ticket will then, reports indicate, be selected in a horse rectum eating contest to be broadcast on NBC's Fear Factor.

Tony

So You Want To Be A Martyr
The Mossad and the IDF are willing to help:

Israel will strike at more Hamas leaders, the Israeli defense minister said Tuesday, a day after the founder of the Islamic militant group, Sheik Ahmed Yassin, was assassinated in a missile attack.

Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz and his security chiefs decided to try to kill the entire Hamas leadership, without waiting for another terror attack, security sources said Tuesday.

Here's what the widow of terrorist, I mean... "militant", leader Ahmed Yassin had to say:

We're counting on God and God will give us our revenge... on the Jews I hope, and on the collaborators, and on the spies.

The Europeans are, predictably, outraged:

The EU recognises Israel's right to protect its citizens against terrorist attacks. Israel is entitled to do this under international law. Israel is not, however, entitled to carry out extra-judicial killings.

Translation from Diplomatic French: Israel is allowed to sweep up body parts after suicide bombings, but not to do anything to prevent them.

Marc