As a Catholic, I'm obligated to care about this
The Shroud of Turin may be an original after all, according to scientists working on the ancient relic. Long believed to be the burial cloth of Christ, the Shroud of Turin has more recently been believed to have been a piece of artwork, possibly produced by Leonardo Da Vinci (that means from Vinci, Jerry). Now, scientists, who have until recently only studied the front of the Shroud, have discovered corresponding markings on the back that could indicate the Shroud's authenticity.

Is this discovery merely a part of the PR campaing for Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ? Could be. I mean, I did just order a Shroud of Turin bedspread off their website.

Tony

Kerry Channels Kissinger
I can't believe it. John Kerry said something that makes a ton of sense, and that I wholeheartedly agree with (link via Kausfiles):

Sen. John. F. Kerry on Wednesday stressed that the chief interest of the U.S. should be to build a stable Iraq, but not necessarily a democratic one -- a view at odds with President Bush's vision of the troubled country's political future.

"I have always said from day one that the goal here ... is a stable Iraq, not whether or not that's a full democracy," the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee told reporters after conducting a town hall meeting at the City College of New York in Harlem. "I can't tell you what it's going to be, but a stable Iraq. And that stability can take several different forms."

I have been bitching for years about the fact that US foreign policy has been shackled by our own pro-democracy rhetoric ever since the Wilson administration. I really never though that John Kerry would be the major-party presidential candidate to come out and say it.

Why is it such a sin to admit that American national interests do not always coincide with democracy? How would it have been worse if we has found a reliable Shiite dictator to run Iraq six months ago? But the Bush people, predictably, reacted with phony outrage:

Marc Racicot, the former Montana governor who is chairman of Bush's reelection campaign, said, "There is now even further evidence of the fact that Sen. Kerry continues with an approach that is cynical and defeatist, and it's embraced within a political attack that is seriously undermining our efforts in Iraq and in the war on terror."

I say phony, because no one who controls the levers of power in the foreign policy establishment really cares if the guys running the Chiles and South Koreas of the world were democratically elected, but they feel (especially presidents) the need to bloviate about "the people" and "self-determination".

So, huzzah to Kerry for stating an obvious, but historically denied truth - and boo in advance for changing his position two days from now.

Marc

Kevin Smith not responsible for these "Jersey Girls"
Why, if there were thousands of deaths as a result of the 9-11 terror attack, do we keep hearing from the same four women from New Jersey? The Jersey Girls, as they are called, are everywhere. They are widely credited with the creation of the 9-11 panel in the first place, and these days are most often found alongside MSNBC's Chris Matthews. And their intent is straightforward -- to lay the majority of blame on the terror attack on President Bush and his administration.

Howard Kurtz's Media Notes takes a look at a couple of items critical of these increasingly media-savvy women. One such item, plucked from The Wall Street Journal is Dorothy Rabinowitz's online media log.

From the article:

Who, listening to them, would not be struck by the fact that all their fury and accusation is aimed not at the killers who snuffed out their husbands' and so many other lives, but at the American president, his administration, and an ever wider assortment of targets including the Air Force, the Port Authority, the City of New York? In the public pronouncements of the Jersey Girls we find, indeed, hardly a jot of accusatory rage at the perpetrators of the 9/11 attacks. We have, on the other hand, more than a few declarations like that of Ms. Breitweiser, announcing that "President Bush and his workers . . . were the individuals that failed my husband and the 3,000 people that day."

Matthews got reaction to the Rabinowitz piece from two of the Jersey Girls on MSNBC today. Read it here

Tony.

More fun than Plinko
It's the Washington Post's Veep-O-Matic. A handy dandy tool to help you select the best running mate for John Kerry. It's as simple to use as it is fun. The Veep-O-Matic lists several traits that a potential running mate should have, and you select the top five that you feel are the most important. The highly sophisticated Veep-O-Matic computers will then calculate which potential running mates match your criteria, spitting out an answer within seconds.

Sounds too good to be true? I thought so too, until I tried it out myself. I selected "Hispanic", "Gubnatorial Experience", "Southern", "Live or Work Outside the Beltway" and "From a Battleground State." This yielded, as you might have guessed, New Mexico's Governor Bill Richardson, who matched four of my five criterion.

And if you call today, you can try this amazing discovery for the low, low introductory payment of nothing down and no payments until November.

So what are you waiting for? Act now and receive this Space Pen 3000 free. Yes it's the Space Pen 3000. Use it in bed, use it in the car, at the office on the john, even in an anti-gravity chamber. That's right the Space Pen 3000 -- for all your anti-gravity writing needs. That's Space Pen 3000.

Tony

Bush's performance rankles one supporter*
Last night, President Bush held his first prime time press conference since the Iraqi war started little over a year ago. I was disappointed, to say the least, with Bush's performance. I was hopeful that this would be an opportunity for Bush to reaffirm our committment to the nation-building efforts in Iraq, to express to the American people that the road ahead would indeed be long and painful, but was undoubtedly right and to provide a sense of strength and resolve about the Iraqi war through his words and demeanor -- to be, in a word, presidential. Bush did none of this. He looked no more polished in this press conference than he did during the election of 2000.

Though he began with a confident, 17-minute overview of the situation in Iraq, he seemed out of sorts at times as he searched for words to answer often hostile questions and sometimes lapsed into awkward pauses. Of the U.S. presence in Iraq, he said: "They're not happy they're occupied. I wouldn't be happy if I were occupied, either."

When one questioner asked about his biggest mistake since the Sept. 11 attacks, Bush shook his head twice as he searched for an answer.

"I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet," Bush said. "I would've gone into Afghanistan the way we went into Afghanistan. Even knowing what I know today about the stockpiles of weapons, I still would've called upon the world to deal with Saddam Hussein."

These are not the words that I want to hear from my president as America is engaged in a bloddy, costly, lengthy and divisive war. Words are important. Oratory is important. Bush had an opportunity last night to show the world that America stands tall in the face of strong oppossition, both foreign and domestic. I yearned to hear that our resolve is not merely a corollary to our overwhelming military might, but because we toil toward a righteous goal. Bush could have made that argument last night. He chose not to. Perhaps because it is an argument that takes tremendous poltical courage to make -- courage this administration seems to lack.

The president turned animated when asked whether the Iraq war would be worthwhile even if he was not reelected. He replied: "I don't plan on losing my job. I plan on telling the American people that I've got a plan to win the war on terror. And I believe they'll stay with me. They understand the stakes. Look, nobody likes to see dead people on their television screens. I don't. It's a tough time for the American people to see that. It's gut-wrenching."

This final passage bothers me most of all. How refreshing would it have been for Bush to say something along the lines that this Iraqi war is bigger than reelection? That the goals of instilling democracy in the hopes that it can help bring stability to such a volatile region is larger than the goal of any one American politician. A risky political statement? Maybe. But it would be the words of a president and not merely a leader of a political party.

Bush's performance last night belies the one nagging problem I have with this administration -- that all goals are political, that every action of this administration is calculated for every possible poltical benefit. In short, that the number one objective of the Bush White House is to ensure that Bush stays in the White House. That's no way to run a presidency or a foreign policy. And it's certainly no way to run a country.

I'm not so naive as to think that this mode of opperations is by any means new to the White House, but as we face a dangerous and uncertain future -- as the threat of terrorism is real and immediate -- I am demanding more from my president and my government.

Tony

*me.

Alternate History
Gregg Easterbrook imagines what the world would be like had the Bush administration launched an attack on Al-Qaeda and Afghanistan BEFORE 9/11:

Washington, April 9, 2004.
A hush fell over the city as George W. Bush today became the first president of the United States ever to be removed from office by impeachment. Meeting late into the night, the Senate unanimously voted to convict Bush following a trial on his bill of impeachment from the House.

Moments after being sworn in as the 44th president, Dick Cheney said that disgraced former national security adviser Condoleezza Rice would be turned over to the Hague for trial in the International Court of Justice as a war criminal. Cheney said Washington would "firmly resist" international demands that Bush be extradited for prosecution as well.

On August 7, 2001, Bush had ordered the United States military to stage an all-out attack on alleged terrorist camps in Afghanistan. Thousands of U.S. special forces units parachuted into this neutral country, while air strikes targeted the Afghan government and its supporting military. Pentagon units seized abandoned Soviet air bases throughout Afghanistan, while establishing support bases in nearby nations such as Uzbekistan. Simultaneously, FBI agents throughout the United States staged raids in which dozens of men accused of terrorism were taken prisoner.

Reaction was swift and furious. Florida Senator Bob Graham said Bush had "brought shame to the United States with his paranoid delusions about so-called terror networks." British Prime Minister Tony Blair accused the United States of "an inexcusable act of conquest in plain violation of international law." White House chief counterterrorism advisor Richard Clarke immediately resigned in protest of "a disgusting exercise in over-kill."

Read the whole thing.

Marc

PA church celebrates the Risen Christ by scourging small, woodland creature
A church in Glassport, Pennsylvania, a small community about ten miles southeast of Pittsburgh, held an Easter celebration this past Saturday at Glassport Stadium that drew criticism from a number of angry and confused parents.

The Glassport Assembly of God's Saturday production included actors on stage simulating the crucifixion of Jesus Christ by whipping their costumed youth minister, who was dressed as the Easter Bunny. Children reportedly ran out of the church crying, and a number of parents were left wondering what was going on.

The whipping incident, though disturbing, was not all that was in store for those in attendence.

Performers broke eggs meant for an Easter egg hunt and also portrayed a drunken man and a self-mutilating woman, said Jennifer Norelli-Burke, another parent who saw the show in Glassport, a community about 10 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

I can understand an Evangelical Church's desire to distance Easter from secularized tradition and attempt to instill in its followers, particularly their youth, that Easter is about the death and, most importantly, the resurrection of Jesus. But I don't see, in any way, how whipping a costumed Easter Bunny accomplishes this goal. It only serves to confuse children and their parents, and reinforce the stereotype that evangelicals are just this side of lunatic. I can't even imagine how this idea got out of its larva stage. I mean, did someone, in a meeting, say: "I've got a great idea about how we can show that Easter is about Jesus and not the Easter Bunny -- let's dress someone up in an Easter Bunny costume and whip them in a way reminiscent of the scourging of Christ."? And if so, was the response to this idea really: "Whip the Easter Bunny during a church service: Brilliant!"?

That's one for the "What the Fuck?" file

Tony

It's a freaking Country Bear Jamboree out there!
From the Cumberland Times-News:

Bear Watch

From Staff Reports
Sunday, April 4, 2004 8:40 AM EDT

Bear watch for Sunday, April 4, 2004.

Frank Batavick of Maryland Public Television is looking for some home videos of bears in Western Maryland to use in an upcoming Outdoors Maryland episode. "We're looking for backyard shots or whatever people have," Batavick said. If you are willing to share your video tape with MPT for possible use, contact Batavick and let him know what it shows. His phone is (410) 581-4331 and his e-mail is frankbatavick@mpt.org. He will return all tapes he accepts.

A 325-pound male bear in Cecil County near Conowingo was trapped and then killed March 24 by Maryland Wildlife and Heritage Service personnel who said the bear, which had been tagged in Pennsylvania, was considered a threat to humans.

Maryland Wildlife Biologist Clarissa Harris said the first bear complaint of the year in far Western Maryland happened March 29 when someone reported a bear in trash at a home in the Bedford Road area of Allegany County. "They'll be out (of hibernation) and moving soon," Harris said.

To report bear problems in Allegany County, call the wildlife agency at (301) 777-2136. In Garrett County, call (301) 334-4255. Outdoor Editor Mike Sawyers can be reached at (301) 784-2520 or msawyers@times-news.com.

Tony

Monkey Business
Liz and Gary Hart at an LCV conference in Denver:

Marc

Shrummery

Match the candidate with the Shrum catchphrase:

Catchphrases

1. "fight back, America"
2. "fighting for us"
3. "a fighter for Georgia"
4. "a fighter who's taken on the big insurance companies"
5. "strong enough to fight for us"
6. "a proven fighter" who "had the courage to take on the most powerful forces"
7. "fighting for Maryland's families"
8. "I'm a fighter" who will attack "the powerful forces that want America to continue on exactly the same path that it's on today"

Candidates

A. Bob Casey
B. Mark Dayton
C. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend
D. John Kerry
E. Jon Corzine
F. Bob Kerrey
G. Ron Klink
H. Geraldine Ferraro
I. Michael Coles

Hint: Read the current Atlantic Monthly.

Answers to appear in the comments. The winner will receive their choice of these fabulous bum wines (link via Dennis Lucey).

Marc

Palindrome Of The Day
Actually, it's two palindromes back-to-back:

Ram a martini in it.

Marc

You ain't "Mencken" no sense
From the Baltimore Sun:

Alistair Cooke, famed journalist and BBC broadcaster who was most widely known for his reports from America, died earlier this week at the age of 95.

Soon after Cooke arrive in the United States during the 1930s, he became interested in the origins of American English. This interest led him to Baltimore native H.L. Mencken, who had gained a reputaiton as an authority on the subject. Cooke and Mencken quickly struck up a friendship after Mencken invited him to Baltimore for "crabs and beer." Upon meeting the Baltimore scribe, Cooke recalled his somewhat odd appearance:

"A little man, a stocky man with a bull neck, eyes as blue as gas jets, white hair parted exactly down the middle in the fashion of the early years of the century, and tiny hands and feet that added four surprising grace notes to the solid theme of his body, which was that of an undersized German pork butcher," Cooke recalled in his weekly Letter From America radio broadcast after Mencken's death in 1956.

Tony

Two arrested in ironic Woodlawn brawl
Students at Woodlawn High School in Baltimore County who attended an anger-management workshop yesterday saw their auditorium erupt in violence, according to today's Baltimore Sun. The fisticuffs were brought about by a mother who had slunk into the auditorium in order to confront a group of girls who had been picking on her daughter. Both the mother and the daughter have been arrested.

The story, as delicious as it is, does not end there. The students at Woodlawn, determined to solidify their school's reputation for being a haven for gang members and assorted no-good-niks, joined the fracas.

Screaming quickly escalated into pushing and hitting, and school officials dialed 911 as the crowd of 750 students erupted into "chaos," said Woodlawn Principal C. Anthony Thompson.

Students stood on their auditorium seats and rushed toward the fighting girls to get a better look, one student said, and soon other fights were breaking out in the auditorium.

I've been grappling with what I should write about this situation, but honestly, I'm at a loss for words. I mean, a parent started what could only objectively be referred to as a riot in the auditorium of her kid's school while the kids were sitting through an anger-management workshop. Alanis Morissette would have a field day.

Tony

Diabolical Sub-Genius
Via Kausfiles:

Bob Shrum is now completely in charge of Kerry's advertising - the guy who was working with him has quit:

Shrum and Margolis worked together under the name of Riverfront Media, a company created for the campaign. During the primaries and caucuses, many pundits and consultants considered Kerry's ads to be the best on TV. The ads were produced in GMMB's space, not Shrum's, and inside the Kerry campaign Margolis was sometimes given more credit for them than Shrum.

Ever since Shrum joined the campaign last year, insiders have taken bets on how long the relationship with Margolis would last. The two men didn't know each other well, and in recent years often fiercely competed for the same political clients. Shrum is not known as a shrinking violet, and Margolis's ouster will undoubtedly be seen as evidence that Shrum, Kerry's closest adviser, is consolidating power inside the campaign.

Get ready for more of "the people, not the powerful".

Marc

TV Said That?
A story in the New York Times (!) highlights some Hollywood Bush-bashing:

On the NBC show "Whoopi," the hotelier played by Whoopi Goldberg delivered an anti-Bush screed when the president, played by a lookalike, appeared at her establishment to use the facilities. "I can't believe he's in there doing to my bathroom what he's done to the economy!" she said.

And here's one for you, Draper:

One of the wise-cracking detectives on the NBC show "Law & Order," played by Jesse L. Martin, referred to the president as the "dude that lied to us." The character went on to say, "I don't see any weapons of mass destruction, do you?" His cantankerous partner, played by Jerry Orbach, retorted that Saddam Hussein did have such weapons because the president's "daddy" sold them to a certain someone "who used to live in Baghdad."

But don't think that Hollywood producers are all liberals:

Network executives and some producers said these were isolated cases, reflecting the political debate dividing the country and coming at a time when television has never had a greater diversity of viewpoints on a wider array of channels. They added that these examples should not be seen as reflective of a supposed liberal agenda in the entertainment industry, an argument they said was undercut by shows with patriotic streaks like "J.A.G." on CBS.

See? You think liberals would put something patriotic on TV? Those guys must be conservative! An entirely logical argument from a party that values endorsements from European socialists and Third World dictators more than the support of patriotic Americans.

Marc