Poison Flowers in France

Man, this really had me going, that is, until I had my morning smoke and realized that it was April fools day.

Just read, you don't even have to be a cycling nut to appreciate a good April Fools joke.

Draper

Did I Hear A Briefcase Opening?
Our City Council, under pressure from federal prosecutors, has surrendered on the issue of their $5,000 personal slush funds. Council members will now have to submit reciepts for their expenses, which will then be reimbursed. The council slush funds have a long and seedy history:

The old system was secretly created by the city in 1968 as a way to slip extra cash to the council without requiring members to face public scrutiny, said a Sun article from April 1970.

Articles at that time said council members were advised to "keep it quiet" when they picked up the quarterly checks, which grew over the years from $750 a year to $5,000.

The members were to use the money to cover incidental business expenses. Some deposited it into personal checking accounts without keeping records or paying taxes on it, council members told The Sun.

These checks were on top of their annual salaries, $48,000 last year, and the more than $80,000 that each received from the city last year to cover the expenses of his or her office.

Council president Sheila Dixon defended the expense accounts with this bit of SGA rhetoric:

"I don't have anything to hide," said City Council President Sheila Dixon, who as head of the legislative body receives an $80,000-a-year salary, more than $500,000 a year to run her office and a $7,000 expense account. "These perks are perks that everyone has gotten over the years."

Stuff like this made me especially nauseated this tax season, when we had to fork over $800 to this crooked burg.

Another round of applause for Thomas DiBiagio, who has made like Rex Banner since his appointment as US Attorney for Maryland. DiBiagio can add this triumph to a list that includes the conviction of former city police commissioner Ed Norris and the recent indictment of Stephen Amos for funneling $6.3 million in federal crime grants to pay for Kathleen Kennedy Townsend's political staff.

This guy DiBiagio has big, shiny balls, which he will need if he plans on running for statewide office in Maryland. Here's how he said goodbye to his former boss and predecessor as US attorney, whom DiBiagio thought insufficiently committed to prosecuting corruption:

The tension between DiBiagio and Battaglia led to an infamous incident at his goodbye ceremony in spring 2000. DiBiagio stood in front of the more than 100 attendees gathered and spoke about how, as a young assistant, he assumed that the office had to be run by a prosecutor with outstanding legal skills, judgment and integrity.

He then paused, looked over at Battaglia and said that he guessed he'd been wrong, according to several people who attended. People gasped in disbelief.

ZING!!! Man, I can't wait until 2006, when DiBiagio will most likely be running for Attorney General against Montgomery County state's attorney Doug Gansler.

Marc

Sogol
The Cincinnati Bengals have always faced a bit of a logo dilema. Although their signature black bengal stripes on orange helmet is widely known, the team has struggled with a logo that can be put on hats, T-shirts and used by television networks. Previously, the Bengals, like their in-state homies the Browns, have simply used the image of their helmet as their logo. (The Browns, for a period, used a little elf-like guy, who was as cool as he was inexplicable.) The helmet image was everywhere. It was in the middle of the field, it appeared on hats and usually on television. But as revenue from logo-generated sales became increasingly important, the Bengals continued to try knew things.

The middle of their field (in relatively new Paul Brown Stadium) is now occupied by a full-bodied bengal tiger. The detail from that logo, the Bengal face on the left, is often seen on hats on merchandise these days. But, perhaps in a move to increase literacy, the Bengals have unveiled a new logo. This block letter "B", in orange, with bengal stripes.

Personally, I think this looks like something I did using WordArt on Powerpoint. But I applaud the Bengals efforts at revitalizing their sorry franchise with a new logo. And don't underestimate the effects that a new logo, like a new facility can have on a team.

Is there any doubt that the Pittsburgh Pirates slide into Bengal-like ineptitutde was brought about by their dumping of the modest, but serious-looking "Doug Drabek" Pirate? This, after they had already gotten rid of the very 70's (and uniquely cool) Marlboro Man logo. The Bucs did themselves no favors by replacing the "Doug Drabek" guy with a new garish, needlessly ferocious Pirate -- a logo which included the newly added color red, another source of the Pirates current woes.

There's little doubt that the sports gods are fashionistas. My prediction that the black on green "outfit" that the Eagles put together before the playoffs would end in disaster held true. And in keeping with that bold predictions, here's how I see this year's baseball season.

The Orioles's will be rewarded for bringing back orange as their script color, which will help to make the orange bills on their home hats look less ridiculous. As the O's rise, the Blue Jays will falter because of their efforts to distance themselves with Canada, losing the maple leaf and any hint of red. The Reds and Mets will continue to struggle as long as they insist on using black as a main color in their uniforms. And finally, the Padres should look and play good this year, thanks to a new, fresh approach to away uniforms -- sand rather than gray.

So, as the baseball season gears up, and training camp cruely remains months away, just know, dear reader, that there's always someone here at We Three Jerks keeping tabs on the evolution of sports logos.

There, now won't you sleep better tonight.

Tony

John Kerry's Big Problem
From AllahPundit:

Marc

Honk if you like cookies!
Giant and Safeway grocery stores throughout the Baltimore-Washington metro area face a strike as early as next Wednesday, the Baltimore Sun reports today. A couple of grocer's unions will vote on Tuesday to decide whether to strike. All Giant and Safeway stores will be closed from 7 am to 3 pm on Tuesday to allow for the vote. If the unions vote to strike we'll likely see picket lines Wednesday morning; lines which Teamster unions, which represent delivery truck drivers, have also agreed not to cross. The issue in the middle of this controversy, as it was in California, where a grocery clerk strike recently lasted for months, is health care.

As a former retail wage-slave, I'd love to support my under-paid, over-worked fellow-travelers. But I'm afraid it's not that easy. There are a number of things that seperate me from the grocery clerks.

For starters, when I worked at Waldenbooks I made, as the Assistant Manager, $9.87 an hour (that's including a $0.12 raise after my first year) and a dollar more an hour during Christmas season (Sorry ladies, I'm taken). That was as Assistant Manager. Wages for part and even full-time workers are much lower.

In contrast, read what both sides are saying about this debate:

The grocery stores:

Giant and Safeway officials counter that they are trying to structure wages and benefits to compete with nonunion stores, which pay their workers considerably less. The average hourly wage of a clerk at Safeway or Giant is $13.19, compared with $7.68 for a nonunion clerk, according to Safeway.

And the union...

The union argues that Giant and Safeway have a marketplace advantage over stores such as Wal-Mart because of the quality customer service its workers provide.

Now I'm not, as a hard and fast rule, oppossed to unions. However, their role in our economy must be re-examined as the forces of global capitalism make American businesses compete with the rest of the world in almost every single industry.

You and I go to grocery stores. Does the quality of service at Giant and Safeway make you think it's workers deserve more than $13 an hour?

Unlike some of my more conservative friends, I don't believe that this situation is proof positive that unions have outlived their usefulness. What is evident is the need for American workers to place events in context. Your current struggles are not akin to the struggles of unionized workers 70 years ago. Those workers were struggling for basic safety standars, a livable wage and a reasonable work schedule. Your efforts for a couple extra dollars an hour and expanded health-care coverage are not quite as noble. And remember, you are not working in a dangerous, often times deadly, factory. You, as a (statistically) un-educated grocery clerk, are doing pretty well for yourself, all things considered. So maybe, just this time, we can chalk all this up to whining, and just go back to work.

Tony

What's that smell?
Western Maryland makes an appearance in today's Baltimore Sun, with an article about the tiny hamlet of Luke, Maryland. Luke, once a burgeoning company town made possible by the Westvaco paper mill, is now all but a ghosttown. The article details a number of recent skirmishes between the city and the mill, most notably an effort by the city of Luke to raise Westvaco's taxes by 25%. The mill balked at such an increase, and made it clear that there are a number of labor markets, particularly overseas, that are better than Allegany County, Maryland. Their actions have led to a dwindling tax burden for Westvaco, mostly out of fear that if the city (or county, for that matter) makes the mill even slightly unhappy, it will pull up stakes and move out, probably to Brazil (or so the rumor has gone in ALCO since I've been alive.)

The current crisis surrounds the shrunken tax base coupled with a shrinking population that is forcing Luke to consider unincorporating and surrendering it's charter, becoming yet another tract of unincorporated Allegany County. Westvaco, for their part, has encouraged this action, as it would mean no city taxes, and has gone to such lengths as buying up old homes as Luke residents die.

In reality, Luke's fate is already decided. They will certainly forfeit their charter and Westvaco will eventually move out of town, and probably the country. That is the natural evolution of our economy; an evolution which no amount of public policy initiatives or bond issues is ever likely to reverse.

Tony

Woo! I Feel Like Tony!
Blogging from work, that is. Well, actually I'm not on for another couple minutes, but I am in the workplace. And like Tony, I don't really have anything to say (Zing!).

Marc

Even though this debate is being broadcast on FOX...
I'm not sure what exactly to make of this, but Showtime will be airing a new program this summer called American Candidate. Basically, anyone 18 or older who wants to be a participant can apply on their website until April 9th. Twelve finalists will be selected and given a campaign budget and website. They will then be voted out of the contest, presumably by a panel of experts and viewers.

The number two spot on this ticket will then, reports indicate, be selected in a horse rectum eating contest to be broadcast on NBC's Fear Factor.

Tony

So You Want To Be A Martyr
The Mossad and the IDF are willing to help:

Israel will strike at more Hamas leaders, the Israeli defense minister said Tuesday, a day after the founder of the Islamic militant group, Sheik Ahmed Yassin, was assassinated in a missile attack.

Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz and his security chiefs decided to try to kill the entire Hamas leadership, without waiting for another terror attack, security sources said Tuesday.

Here's what the widow of terrorist, I mean... "militant", leader Ahmed Yassin had to say:

We're counting on God and God will give us our revenge... on the Jews I hope, and on the collaborators, and on the spies.

The Europeans are, predictably, outraged:

The EU recognises Israel's right to protect its citizens against terrorist attacks. Israel is entitled to do this under international law. Israel is not, however, entitled to carry out extra-judicial killings.

Translation from Diplomatic French: Israel is allowed to sweep up body parts after suicide bombings, but not to do anything to prevent them.

Marc

Kerry Joke
From Mark Steyn:

Q: How many John Kerrys does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: At least four. One to unscrew the old light bulb. One to simultaneously announce his courageous commitment to replacing the old bulb. One to vote against funding the new light bulb. And one to denounce George W Bush and America's Benedict Arnold CEOs for leaving everyone in the dark.

Marc

Free Throws Ain't Free
Well, you knew it was going to catch up with them sooner or later. But it was a good run by the Terps, and watch out for these nutty kids next year.

Marc

Wha?
From Tuesday's George Will column in the Washington Post: (I added the link)

For example, in his Saturday response for the Democrats to President Bush's weekly radio broadcast, Sen. Edward Kennedy said that the administration's arguments for war against Iraq were not merely, in Kennedy's view, mistaken, they were a conscious dishonesty -- a "distraction." Such statements are perhaps predictable from a senator who recently cited, approvingly, the writings of Karen Kwiatkowski.

The Weekly Standard reports that she, a retired Air Force officer, has written about "the Zionist political cult that has lassoed the E-Ring" of the Pentagon (the offices of senior civilian Defense Department officials). She says the war in Afghanistan was "planned of course before 9/11/01" because of "Taliban non-cooperation" regarding a trans-Afghanistan pipeline. She says that with "Bush and his neoconservative foreign policy implementers" -- those E-Ring Jews -- resembling propagandists such as Lenin, Hitler and Pol Pot, "all evidence" points to "a maturing fascist state" in America and, in foreign policy, "fascist imperialism touched by Sparta revived."

Tony

Fear The Panda
Taiwan's pro-independence president, Chen Shui-bian, was shot yesterday during a parade:

Chen was shot across the abdomen and Vice President Annette Lu was struck in the right knee as they stood in an open-roof sport utility vehicle waving at crowds lining the streets of the southern city of Tainan, the president's hometown.

The injuries were not life-threatening and neither Chen nor Lu lost consciousness or required surgery, officials said. The Reuters news agency said they were released from the hospital several hours later.

Now, I'm not saying the Red Chinese would assassinate someone to influence an election... oh, wait, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Marc

Thwack!
John Kerry's ridiculous claim of support from foreign leaders is a big fat fastbell down the middle, and Dick Cheney lined it into the gap (can you tell that it's spring training?):

But it is our business when a candidate for President claims the political endorsement of foreign leaders. At the very least, we have a right to know what he is saying to foreign leaders that makes them so supportive of his candidacy. American voters are the ones charged with determining the outcome of this election - not unnamed foreign leaders.

Cheney was responding to a Kerry speech which included this steaming cauldron of barf:

If I am President, never again will parents or husbands or wives of soldiers have to send them body armor instead of photographs and care packages. Last month a young newlywed in Virginia who, as her husband was about to ship out to Iraq, gave him a bullet proof vest for Valentine's Day. I can tell you right now: in a Kerry Administration, no one will be getting body armor as a gift from a loved one; it will come from the Armed Forces of the United States of America. We will supply our troops with everything they need.

Cheney took the bat to this one as well:

Just this morning, he again gave the example of body armor, which he said our administration failed to supply. May I remind the Senator that last November, at the President's request, Congress passed an $87 billion supplemental appropriation. This legislation was essential to our ongoing operations in Iraq and Afghanistan - providing funding for body armor and other vital equipment; hazard pay; health benefits; ammunition; fuel, and spare parts for our military. The legislation passed overwhelmingly, with a vote in the Senate of 87 to 12. Senator Kerry voted no. I note that yesterday, attempting to clarify the matter, Senator Kerry said, quote, "I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it."

For the record, people like Tom Daschle, Dianne Feinstein, Joe Biden, Chuck Schumer, and Hillary Clinton voted for that $87 billion supplemental that Kerry voted against.

BREAKING NEWS: Athlete complains, gets his way
A deal has been reached by the San Francisco 49ers, the Baltimore Ravens and the Philadelphia Eagles that will send Terrell Owens to Philly. This hours before the NFL's special master was set to issue a ruling on whether or not the trade that sent the former 49ers wide-out to Baltimore in exchange for a second-round pick was valid. Owens claimed he was due free agency, despite his agent having failed to file the proper paperwork before the deadline. Sal Palantonio, who was covering the case for SportsCenter, said last night that it appeared as if the ruling would go in Owens favor, hence the deal. The deal guarantees the Ravens a fifth-round pick for their troubles and sends a defensive end to the 49ers in exchange for Owens. Had a ruling in Owens favor been issued before the deal, the Ravens and 49ers would have received no compensation.

This whole thing seems pretty crooked to me. Heading into this weekend you couldn't find a soul who thought Owens had any kind of chance at the hearing. Then the hearing was delayed, ostensibly so that both sides could appear in person, rather than the conference call that was slated for Sunday. By Tuesday the conventional wisdom is that Owens will win and the Ravens and 49ers scramble to finalize a deal ensuring that they'll get something out of this mess.

Crooked or not, Baltimore dodged a bullet by failing to secure Owens. And after having suffered through the past week, which included Owens telling anybody with a laptop that he's not coming to Baltimore, they probably are breathing a sigh of relief. Meanwhile, Philly has the Leon they've always wanted.

Speaking of Philly, here's what Philadelphia 76er Allen Iverson had to say about his decision not to dress for a recent game. Iverson had been injured and missed several games in a row. He was not cleared by trainers for Sunday's game, but said he could play. When the coach told Iverson that he'd be coming off the bench because of his injuries, Iverson felt otherwise.:

"I'm a starter. I've been a starter here for eight years. I'm not a sixth man," Iverson said after the game [Sunday]. "I'm a starter. I know in this league ... if someone comes back from an injury, if he's a starter he starts. What's the difference? If you're going to cut my time down, cut my time down. It doesn't make any difference. I'm a starter."

Tony