What did we learn yesterday class?
Topic: gloating
With the first week of pro football action in the bag we've had a few surprises, some business as usual things, and yes, proof that sometimes Marc is wrong, and better yet, Draper is right.

First the principals:
Ravens 3 Browns 20
Redskins 16 Bucs 10
Steelers 24 Raiders 21

What do these scores tell us? Well, first, the Ravens and their Wonder bread lame ass QB need to run that Jamal Lewis guy 40 or 50 times more a game. Better yet, just direct snap it to him. Take Boller out and put another 400 lb. tub of guts up there to block for him. Already we can see the Boller is superfluous. As for the Redskins, and god this kills me to say, they looked solid. All around, solid, a playoff team, maybe. But it was the Bucs and they quit playing sometime last season. The Bucs are just a bunch of check cashers at this point. And then there is the Steelers. I remember one naysayer jerk in particular saying that they might go 0-4 to start the season. Oh no. For now we will gloss over the 300 and some yards that the ancient Rich Gannon threw against them. Time to bask in the reflected glory.

Reflected glory....ahhh.

Draper

Why Yes, I Am Ready For Some Football
Topic: sports
Just wanted to get these on the record before kickoff tonight:

Steelers: 6-10. Sorry Draper.
Redskins: 9-7, Wild Card. Check the weak schedule.
Ravens: 9-7, AFC North champs. EEED REEED!
Super Bowl: Chiefs over the Saints. The NFC sucks big-time, hence the Saints.

Marc

"Department Of Wellness": Will It Cover Botox?
Topic: politics
Courtesy of Kausfiles - who calls it "spirit-crushing foolishness" - Evita Teresa proposes Department of Wellness:

The other head-scratcher uttered by Kerry in the past two days came Wednesday in Greensboro, N.C. There, in response to a question from a woman about the health problems caused by mold and indoor air contamination--and her complaint, "There's not one agency in this government that has come forward" to deal with the problem--Kerry endorsed the creation of a new federal department. "What I want to do, what I'm determined to do, and it's in my health-care plan, is refocus America on something that can reduce the cost of health care significantly for all Americans, which is wellness and prevention," Kerry said. So far, so good. But then, "And I intend to have not just a Department of Health and Human Services, but a Department of Wellness." Again, what? Apparently this idea comes from Teresa Heinz Kerry, who told the Boston Herald in January 2003 that she would, in the Herald's words, "be an activist first lady, lobbying for a Department of Wellness that would stress preventive health."

Marc

Electoral Engineering
Topic: politics
Thanks to the only man I know who owns an Electoral College t-shirt - the one and only Joenado - for sending me a WSJ story on possible electoral nuttiness.

The focus is mainly on the Colorado initiative to split that state's electoral votes proportionally - an effort sponsored by Democratic backers hoping to pick up a few more electoral votes for Kerry. But a nationwide proportional system would still have resulted in a Bush presidency:

But if this system had been in effect nationwide in 2000, Mr. Gore would have edged out Mr. Bush, 269-263, with Ralph Nader picking up six electoral votes, all in large states. This would have thrown the election to the House, where Mr. Bush presumably would have won.

But even if the Colorado initiative doesn't pass, there is still an opportunity for the election to go to the House:

Shifts in electoral votes and the realities of an evenly divided nation mean there is a credible case that the final tally in Bush vs. Kerry could be 269-269 -- an outcome that would throw the election to the House of Representatives.

If all states repeat their 2000 outcomes, except for New Hampshire and West Virginia going Democratic, the result would be a 269-269 tie in the Electoral College. You think the Democrats were mad last time? Just imagine how they would react to a president elected by Congress!

But wait, there's more! The prospect of a rogue elector has reared its ugly head:

South Charleston Mayor Richie Robb said today he may vote against George W. Bush in the Electoral College, even if the president carries West Virginia's popular vote.

Robb, long known as a maverick Republican, said he is considering using his position as one of the state's five Republican electors to protest what he believes are misguided policies of the current administration.

Exciting stuff.

Marc

I Am Everywhere You Want To Be, Hank Hill
Topic: foolishness
This morning, the little lady and I were commuting southbound on 97, when the guy in the next lane rolled down his window to show us a small ID card.

He must have noticed the Badnarik for President bumper sticker - it was a Libertarian Party card.

Marc

Day One, Year Two
Topic: foolishness
I assume everyone has marked their calendar and appropriately celebrated the first anniversary of We Three Jerks. Take a look at what we were bloviating about this time last year.

Ah, the things we have accomplished in the past year - I got a full-time job, Tony is moving to a new place in Charles Village, and Draper had his head burned with lye.

I post while desperately trying to pay attention to the Republican convention. What a snoozefest - the Democrats at least have the appeal of a potential trainwreck. Michael Steele was pretty solid, though:

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by encouraging class hatred. You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot build character and courage by taking away man's initiative and incentive. And you cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they should do for themselves.

Marc

Reagan: Let's Stop Bitching About These Taxes
Topic: politics
I could just quote the headline and leave it at that:

McCain: Campaign needs to move beyond Vietnam

But I won't:

"I'm sick and tired of re-fighting the Vietnam War. And most importantly, I'm sick and tired of opening the wounds of the Vietnam War, which I've spent the last 30 years trying to heal," the Arizona Republican said at a lunch with USA TODAY and Gannett News Service. "It's offensive to me, and it's angering to me that we're doing this. It's time to move on."

Hey, he's right! What could be more tiresome than someone using his military experience as justification for a political career?

Marc

Swift Boat To Nowhere
Topic: politics
The new LA Times poll is out, which shows Bush ahead (by 3) for the first time in what has been a Kerry-leaning poll all year (Kerry was up by 9 not so long ago). It includes this incredible stat:

Asked how Kerry's overall military experience would affect their vote, 23% said it made them more likely to vote for him, while 21% said it made them less likely; the remaining 53% said it would make no difference.

That is, Kerry's Vietnam record is now a wash. Take away Vietnam and what's left? Mickey Kaus:

Unfortunately, it's more or less all Kerry's got. It wouldn't be so important if Kerry had a) a discernable ideology; b) a political message; c) a record of achievement; or d) an appealing personality!

Marc

Thank You Very Much, Mr. 19th Amendment
Topic: politics
Liz reports from a "Women For Kerry" rally at Lawyer's Mall in Annapolis:

Several thousand dollars worth of expensive sandals (my own Birks included)...one braless woman breastfeeding (not hippie braless--rich Annapolitan)...two dogs with various anti-Bush/pro-Kerry memorabilia on them...no members of the press...some very unfortunate outfits...four purses worth more than my car...one hippie folk-singer who was given the honor of opening AND closing the rally

Marc

Stick To Selling Soup
Topic: sports
Just getting myself warmed up for a season of Donovan McNabb bashing - from TMQ:

The Cincinnati offense was decent in 2003, but in the offseason Lewis decreed that Carson Palmer would replace Jon Kitna as quarterback. Kitna's been the butt of a lot of cheap jokes (certainly none by me!), yet in 2003 finished as the ninth-rated passer -- higher rated than Tom Brady and Donovan McNabb, to name a couple gentlemen who are pretty good.

What will be McNabb's excuse this year, now that he has Terrell Owens to throw to? And for that matter, what will be Terrell Owens' excuse, now that he doesn't have Jeff Garcia to kick around? Putting those two jerkoffs on the same team is enough to make me root for the Skins.

Marc

What I Did On My Summer Vacation
Topic: LEGO
The lone Jerk single-handedly battles the silence...

So how was Brickfest, you ask? Madness:

About 1500 people showed up for the public expo on Sunday, and while they were impressed with our LEGO nerd skillz, they had little to say for our personal hygiene:

Speaking of public day, the .space room was quite popular and without proper ventilation, prompting me to remark to Teddy "This place smells like a men's locker room." Overhearing me, a soccer mom had this to say. "This is nothing, you should go to the robot-room, I don't think those people bathe."

Going to Brickfest is always a nice reality check for me. Sometimes I think my preoccupation with LEGO is a little nutty, but at Brickfest you meet people who need trailers to bring all their creations, or who are having archive-sized tracked shelving installed in their homes to store their LEGO collection. And sometimes, you see things like this.

If you would like to learn more about Brickfest, you can check out my pictures here; read a Post article about the event; or watch a Danish news segment (it's story #7).

Marc

Today, I Am A Man
Topic: foolishness
I successfully tied my first half-windsor knot this morning:

Now I just need to work on my cravat-tying skills.

Marc

Frank Herzog Rides Again
Topic: sports
Wow, you can tell football season is coming when you start seeing the Frank Herzog posts. Anyway, you have one last chance to hear the aforementioned Mr. Herzog call a Skins game:

He plans to provide the call for a preseason telecast on Aug. 21, but after that his broadcast future is uncertain. His contract with WUSA expires at the end of November, and the station has said it is not renewing the pact.

Marc

Dead Men Tell No Tales (But Their Wives Won't Shut The Hell Up)
Topic: politics
So I was listening to C-SPAN Radio on my way home from work (as is my custom), and I caught part of the congressional hearings on the 9-11 commission report. I turned on the radio in the middle of a long, detailed question from a Congressman to a witness about national ID cards. The answer seemed a bit vague and ill-informed, so I was trying to figure out what kind of dumbass "expert" had managed to get to testify in front of Congress. Turns out this was no expert all, but one of the sainted 9-11 families:

Family members have said they will maintain a watchdog list tracking who does and doesn't co-sponsor legislation implementing the commission's recommendations.

"We will be pushing you as well, we promise," said Robin Wiener, whose brother, Jeffrey Wiener, died in Tower One.

I feel safer already, now that our national security in the hands of a gynocracy of rich, bored housewives from New Jersey.

Can you imagine this pathetic scene taking place in any other era of American history? Could you see FDR lavishing praise on the "inspiring" deeds of the families of Pearl Harbor dead, before asking them to pick a spot for the Normandy landing? Or McKinley thanking the USS Maine families for their courage while seeking their advice on how best to whip the Spaniards?

This kowtowing to the 9-11 families by our supposed "leaders" in Washington is just the latest and most disgusting example of the cult of victimization that has gripped our country. But unlike most of the gag-inducing episodes brought on by this trend, this spectacle has serious consequences.

President Bush, the leader of the goddamned free world, has been buffaloed into swallowing the recommendations of 9-11 commission almost unaltered - partly as a result of the unassailable moral authority bestowed upon the 9-11 families. People a lot more well-informed than I have pointed out the flaws in the commission's recommendations:

Okay, America, here's our intelligence reform agenda: The CIA recognized six years ago that America was at war with al Qaeda, so let's demote it. . . . Pentagon officials dragged their feet on dealing with terrorism, so let's give them more power. . . . The White House politicized the intelligence process, so let's create a new intelligence czar in the White House and give him control over domestic spying, too. The intelligence community suffers from too many fiefdoms, so let's create a few more.

But the odds of having a reasoned debate on the 9-11 commission's recommendations is close to nil, because the American people have decided that the death of a loved one in an especially tragic or public fashion confers wisdom unavailable to you and I.

Marc

Dennis Lucey And Patrick Ewing: Separated At Birth?
Well, they both sweat a lot, but Dennis doesn't quite have the same game.

More wedding pics here.

Marc