The Big Winner

Jason Draper is the winner of the We Three Jerks 2003-04 Collegiate Gridiron Challenge. The contest was a heated one, going down to the final day. Draper secured victory with LSU's destruction of Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl Sunday night. Out of a possible 26 bowl games, Draper predicted 17 correctly, besting the second place finishers by two games.

For the final results of all bowl games, click here.

Contestant Breakdown
Draper: 17 of 26 (65% accuracy rate)
Liz: 15 of 26 (58% accuracy rate)
Tony: 15 of 26 (58% accuracy rate)
Jess: 14 of 26 (54% accuracy rate)
Marc: 13 of 26 (50% accuracy rate)
Patrick: 9 of 26 (35% accuracy rate)

Jason will receive his prize in a few days. To all the other contestants, thanks for playing and good luck next year.

Tony

I'll take Grand Rapids and the points
With only 7 NFL games left, these are somber days. And yet I am the bearer of good news. Dry those tears, and put that sawed-off shotgun back in its easily accessible, unlocked drawer. For the AFL is back to ease your football blues. Training camp will be under way for all teams by the end of January, with the first televised game being February 8th at 3 pm on NBC.

Now, Tampa's playing Orlando, but I'm sure we'll get stuck watching the Rampage play the Force, or some other piece of garbage game.

ANYWAY, after minutes of exhaustive research, here's the good word: The Philadelphia Soul (whose Cheerbabes are called Soulmates) open their season by hosting the fellow-expansion New Orleans Voo Doo (whose Cheerbabes are called Dolls) on February 8th, 2004 at 3pm in the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia. $10 will get you in the door, with decent seats going from somewhere between $10 and $30.

Giddy Up!

Tony

2003 New Year's Funkin' Eve Vodka Challenge
And the winner is... Ketel One!

Chopin - 74
Ketel One - 85.6
Skyy - 79
Stolichnaya - 78.5

The results are based on a blind taste test conducted by six people at our New Year's Eve shindig. Sorry, no pics.

Marc

The Newest Deanybopper
Bill Bradley is getting ready to endorse Dean, according to the AP.

Marc

Bah fucking humbug & thank X'ist it's over.
The holidays, now behind, and this most foul year of our lord 2004 is upon us. Not that it is that foul, or even, that I am currently unhappy. Just an ode to an old Drunk...if you know, you know.

Here's to blogging into the new year.

Oh, jerks, yeah, I did. The lego room will never be the same.

Draper

Why the Internet was Invented
I was surfing the internet, looking for ideas and inspiration for the uniforms I'll be designing on Madden. I stumbled on this delightful little website, which chronicles the uniform changes for all 32 teams of the NFL since 1920.

Here's to wasting time!

Tony

Power Corrupts And PowerPoint Corrupts Absolutely
I thought you Jerks would enjoy this (for different reasons):

David Byrne of Talking Heads fame, has released a book and CD compilation of PowerPoint art (link via Wired). According to the story, there is evidently a PowerPoint backlash amongst nerds - read this editorial from Wired entitled PowerPoint Is Evil. And you thought I was nuts for getting all fired up about LEGO colors.

Marc

Ballcoach: R.I.P.
So the Ol' Ballcoach is Skins history, after phoning in his resignation (to his agent) from a golf course. What a scumbag. As a longtime quitter, I knew he was going to do it - he just had that "Fuck this" look about him.

And while The Danny isn't much good at running a football team, he's pretty good at running a business. The Skins are earning $25 million a year, and are now worth $1 billion. Come to think of it, AOL was wildly profitable while delivering a shitty product.

I guess my favorite candidate to replace Spurrier is Dennis Green, but he wants total personnel control, which Snyder isn't willing to give up. Jim Fassel is not the answer, and I've never had a good felling about Ray Rhodes. I think the failure of Spurrier precludes hiring another college coach, so it looks like the Skins will be settling for an NFL retread. Have they fired Dennis Erickson yet?

Marc

Addendum: Bonus Danny bash: 70 Snyder idiocies (and it's a pre-Ballcoach list!)

Jesus Wept
From the Washington Times, the headline says it all:

Dean touts a 'Jesus strategy'

Crucifixion scheduled for November 2nd.

Marc

Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good Blog
Hello all, and I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Here are a couple of holiday pictures. The first is obviously myself and my cat, Madison. The second is the pile of LEGO I got for Christmas - 37 sets total!

I hope to see everyone New Year's Eve and New Years' Day - we are planning a blind vodka taste test (blind during the tasting, not afterwards)!

Marc Nelson Jr.
Supreme Allied Commander
We Three Jerks

Horseplay
The Brahma Bull, Jamal Lewis, made the Browns his bitch again yesterday, rushing for 205 yards in the Ravens 35 - 0 victory in Cleveland. Lewis, who was rested for the final 8:23 of the game, brought his two game total against the Browns to 500 rushing yards. His performance puts him just 153 yards away from Eric Dickerson's 2,105 single season rushing record, and only a mere 48 yards away from 2,000, something only 4 players in NFL history have been able to do (Dickerson, Barry Sanders, Terrel Davis and O.J. Simpson). Plus, he's got the Steelers next week, with the playoffs on the line and the Steel Curtain looking pretty threadbare these days.

I'm just about ready to give Lewis the MVP award this year. Especially after watching Payton Manning and the oh-so-close Colts Offense get shut down in the second half of their home loss to the Denver Broncos last night. Not only that, but Manning, McNabb and Jason White have all made me about as sick of quarterbacks as I've ever been. Without the 5-11, 240 lb Lewis, the Ravens would be the Pittsburgh Steelers of the AFC North. Third string QB Anthony Wright has been playing superbly, primarily because the Ravens have saddled up their horse every game. With the Brahma Bull getting so many carriers, (he leads the league with 360) defenses have to play Wright honest, and as long as he can avoid mistakes, the Ravens are in every ball game they play.

Don't get me wrong, I know how vital the Ravens D is to the success of the team, but they haven't shown up every week (see the Seattle game), and it was Lewis and the O that were able to hang a whole bunch of points on a couple of oppenents.

If Lewis doesn't get the MVP, I'm giving him the MVC -- Most Valuable Clydsdale.

Oh, and one more thing, Lewis is our age.

Tony

You're pushing me, baby!
The Eagles stumbled on their way to locking up the division and home field advantage throughout the playoffs, with an overtime loss Sunday to the 49ers. Now the road to the Super Bowl will probably go through St. Louis instead of Philadelphia, and the Eagles will not have the luxury of forcing the domed Rams to play in Phila in January. The Eagles must now beat the Skins on the road and hope the Rams lose to the Lions in Detroit.

You can blame McNabb, who threw a pick on the opening drive in overtime that set up the 49ers game winning field goal. You can even blame the Eagles D, who allowed the hapless 49ers to stay in the game, despite T.O. breaking his left collar bone, an injury that puts him out for the remainder of the season. But we all know the truth: The Eagles already tested the patience of the Football Gods with their black jerseys a number of weeks ago, but this week they coupled the black numbers with their green pants. That was the last straw for the gods, and the Eagles' fashion faux pas will probably cost them a trip to the Super Bowl.

Beware, for the Football Gods are vengeful gods.

Tony

More news about drugs (Or how Cycling has the most Draconian of all sports governing bodies)
You guys are going to love this. I am sure you all remember my rant a few weeks ago about how all the major American sports let their atheletes (or Ballplayers) get away with murder when it comes to drug offenses, both performance enhancing drugs and just the recreational kind.

Well, in cycling, because of the very nature of the sport you don't have too many rail thin dope fiends out their riding their bikes for 25,000 miles a year. There just isn't time to do it. Well, that isn't always true. Apparently the UCI (Union Cycliste Internationale, the international cycling governing body) has just sanctioned Gary Houseman, a 23 year old Californian and a downhill mountain biker for testing postive after a race at Grouse Mountain, BC. Yes, that's right, this guy, a dumb young American is not allowed to race a bike in any sanctioned event on this planet because he likes to get high before riding.

Chew on that.

Draper

Clawing at the casket
Penn State football coach Joe Paterno is planning on sticking around. The coach, who will turn 77 shortly, has no plans on leaving and is currently in the midst of recruiting his next class. Now, I understand how big Paterno is and everything that he's done for that school, but the team finished 3-9 this year and 1-7 in the Big Ten. The only wins came against Temple, Kent State and Indiana. It's time for JoPa to make a graceful exit, before the usually friendly crowd at Happy Valley starts booing him unmercifully.

But even if you don't think on the field performance is enough (which it is), check out this little morsle from the AP article linked to in this post.:

The first, and worst, of a series of off-field troubles came last spring when Anwar Phillips was arrested and charged with sexually assaulting a female student on campus. A jury over the summer found him innocent, but when the details were made public in the spring Paterno was vilified for allowing Phillips to play in the Capital One Bowl, two weeks after Phillips had been expelled from the university.

During the summer and fall, seven more current and former players were arrested or cited, including redshirt freshman Maurice Humphrey, the team's No. 2 receiver. On the day after the season ended, Humphrey was charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, harassment and criminal mischief for an alleged on-campus assault. He was temporarily expelled from the university earlier this month.

Paterno's whole appeal, outside of winning, has been that he's a disciplinarian who molds boys into men and prepares them for the world. He's not even doing that anymore. As Don Meredith might say, "Turn out the lights, the party's over."

In other coaching news, former NFL quarterback Jim Harbaugh has agreed to be the head football coach at San Diego College, a small Catholic school overlooking Mission Bay. This is bad news guys, not for Harbaugh, but for us. We are now so old that guys who were in their prime during our adolescence are coaching.

Oh, the humanity!

Tony

Blue Hens win title, nobody a dickhead
The Delaware Blue Hens captured the NCAA Division I-AA championship last night, in a 40-0 defeat of Colgate. Delaware finished the season 15-1, including playoffs. Yes, playoffs. Now, I don't want to spend this blog post ranting about the BCS, there's really no mystery about how I feel about that unmitigated piece of garbage. So, I'll focus on something positive for a change. While watching the highlights of this game on Sportscenter this morning (I had Christmas Shopping I had to attend to last night) I found myself smiling. Each time I saw a Delaware player score a touchdown, he quietly handed the ball to the ref, gave a couple of high fives to his teammates and then got back to the game. There were no dances, no phone calls, no Sharpies, not even a spiking of the ball. And this team was in the midst of winning a National Championship, on live nationwide television. And they were not only destroying Colgate, but were on their way to the first shutout ever in a I-AA Chapionship. And yet, restraint, humility and dignity were all on display.

If these kids can behave like grown men, why can't the grown men in the NFL behave that way? Is it the money, the fame, or the fact that nobody ever tells these guys no?

Jim Haslett excused Joe Horn's behavior last Sunday by saying he's "only 32." I really hope Haslett and Horn were watching last night, and I hope each one of them felt about two inches high after watching the Delaware players behave with such grace.

Tony